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INCREASED VAMPIRE SIGHTINGS REPORTED IN THE PHILIPPINES

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Garlic braids being sold at last year's Gilroy Garlic Festival. (Photo credit: Rene Astudillo)
Garlic braids being sold at last year’s Gilroy Garlic Festival. (Photo credit: Rene Astudillo)

Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Garlic, a common ingredient in Filipino cooking, has all but disappeared from markets and other retail outlets in the past few weeks. Where there is limited supply, prices have more than doubled or tripled to three hundred pesos (about $7) per kilogram for the imported variety and one hundred eighty pesos for local produce.

The garlic shortage and price hikes have prompted the Philippine  Agriculture Department to ration the all-important commodity and flood the markets with its limited inventory.

But that is not the big news.

Filipinos from all over the country have reported an unusual increase in sightings of vampires.  Garlic is known to be the most effective defense against vampires.  Most Filipino homes put up garlic braids in windows and  doors to repel vampires.

Meanwhile, the city of Gilroy in California, has offered to ship several tons of garlic to the Philippines to help ease the shortage and price hikes.  Gilroy is the garlic capital of the United States.  The city is currently gearing up for the annual  garlic festival scheduled for July.

 

 

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CATHOLIC CHURCH IN THE PHILIPPINES MANDATES METAL DETECTORS, SECURITY CHECKS AT WEDDINGS AND FUNERALS

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IMG_3547Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Everyone who lives in, or has visited Manila and other parts of the Philippines knows that metal detectors and security checkpoints are all too common in hotels, government buildings and shopping malls.  It has become a way of life post 9-11.  But wait, metal detectors and security checks in Catholic churches too?

Manila Archbishop Luis Antonio Cardinal Tagle on Saturday warned wedding couples and their guests to be wary of strangers posing as a relatives or friends from one side or the other of the newly united family. They are actually thieves.

Tagle said these shady characters usually strike during photo sessions following the church ceremony. “When family members of the bride or groom are invited to pose for photographs with the newly-wedded couple, they tend to leave their purses and belongings in the church pews,” Tagle said.  “When they return to their seats, everything’s gone.”

Nuptials are not the only target of these wedding crashers, they also victimize people attending church funerals, according to Tagle.

In a move designed to protect its church-going constituents, the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) has required all churches and parishes in the country to install metal detectors and implement security checks to weed out wedding and funeral crashers.  CBCP also advised especially women to keep their cash and credit cards in their bras, as is the old custom among elderly women in the Philippines. “They’re safer there than inside their bags and purses,” the bishops said.

 

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SPEAKER BOEHNER THANKS PRESIDENT OBAMA FOR CANTOR’S DEFEAT

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imageWashington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – Is the Washington gridlock finally coming to an end?

In his first public comment on the primary election defeat of House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, Speaker John Boehner thanked President Obama for his invaluable role in the victory of Tea Party-backed candidate Dave Brat.  Brat defeated incumbent Cantor in last week’s GOP primary elections in Virginia’s 7th congressional district.

In an unusual conciliatory tone, Boehner told reporters: “You have to understand, the American people are being squeezed by Obama’s policies. The economy is not growing. Incomes aren’t growing. We’re not creating enough jobs. And two-thirds of America have seen no increase in their wages but their food prices are going up, their gas prices are going up, and their health insurance prices are going up. And so there’s a lot of frustration that’s out there, and they look to Washington, and wonder why we can’t resolve these issues. And they’re hard to resolve when you’ve got a president who won’t engage.”

The teary-eyed Boehner concluded: “So, thank you, Mr. President. You have opened our eyes.  I look forward to working with you more closely in the final years of your presidency.”

End of gridlock.