BAGUIO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Baguio Bureau) – The summer capital of the Philippines and the rest of the Cordillera Region have taken the lead in isolating members of the New People’s Army (NPA) and all groups that are perceived to be anti-government and anti-Filipino, including the very liberal Liberal Party.
Baguio Mayor Benjamin Magalong announced a new policy that declares the NPA and the Liberal Party to be “Persona Non Grata.” As such, members of these two groups are off limits to the City of Pines.
The new policy comes just weeks before Baguio launches its popular month-long Panagbenga Festival which easily attracts one million people.
Magalong said anyone associated with NPA and LP seen roaming the streets of Baguio will be immediately arrested and detained in newly-constructed jail cells next to the city’s dumpsite in Irisan.
Talk about nabubulok (non-recyclable)!
BAGUIO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Baguio Bureau) –News media reports indicate that after the successful rehabilitation of Boracay and ongoing efforts in Palawan and other beach destinations, the government is now setting its sights on the highlands, in the country’s so-called Summer Capital, Baguio City.
The city government led by Mayor Benjamin Magalong has prohibited the cutting of trees and ordered a stop to all new construction of homes and office buildings as he sets out to turn Baguio into a “smart city,” according to Tourism Secretary Bernadette Romulo-Puyat.
To revive the City of Pines, the city and national governments also plan to relocate structures, mostly private homes, that have been built along the slopes, to new developments being planned in the outskirts of the city and neighboring municipalities, Puyat said.
The Adobo Chronicles has learned that part of the grand scheme is to relocate the sprawling SM Baguio Mall built on top of Luneta Hill to a still undisclosed location far from the hustle and bustle of downtown Baguio.
”Come of think of it,” Magalong said, “the reason Baguio is experienceing this horrendous traffic is because practically all roads lead to SM. Take out SM and you solve the traffic problem instantly,” he said.
In lieu of the shopping mall, the Department of Tourism will build what it is calling “Park on the Hill” which would would put to shame New York City’s Central Park.
It’s back to “The City of Pines” for Baguio!
As a public service, The Adobo Chronicles is issuing the following travel advisory to all Filipinos planning to travel to the United States:
We know you had to go through pins and needles to get your visitor’s visa to the United States, and you’re rarin’ to hop on that plane after your siblings and cousins chipped in so you could pay for your discounted ticket and provide you with some pocket money. After all, you’re visiting the most powerful country in the world, the No. 1 Economy, the Bastion of Democracy, Home of the Brave — not to mention Hollywood, Universal Studios, and Broadway.
But for heaven’s sake, think twice, thrice, a dozen times. You might end up coming back home to the Philippines in a body bag!
In just the last 24 hours, two mass shootings occurred in America — one in El Paso, Texas; and the other in Dayton, Ohio. What’s more, just in the month of July this year, over 50 mass shootings were recorded across America, not just a few of which were prompted by hatred for browned-skinned people like yourselves.
So we advice you to cancel your U.S. trip and stay in the Philippines. Your’re a thousand times safer here despite all the fake news about EJKs supposedly being perpetrated by the government. Buhay ka pa naman, di ba?
But if you absolutely have to travel to America, heed our advice:
- Don’t go to Churches or Mosques
- Don’t watch live concerts or ball games, or watch Hollywood films in cinemas
- Don’t bring your apos or pamangkins to their schools
- Don’t go shopping at the malls, even when there is a huge sale
- Stay away from Central Park, Golden Gate Park or Parking garages
- Avoid the freeways, highways, or the Crookedest Street in San Francisco
- Don’t go on a Cruise
- Avoid all subways
- Don’t go gambling in Las Vegas or Atlantic City
- Don’t watch any parades
- When in public, speak softly to hide your accent
- Just stay home with your U.S. citizen relatives and friends. We’re sure they have Netflix