As a public service, The Adobo Chronicles is issuing the following travel advisory to all Filipinos planning to travel to the United States:
We know you had to go through pins and needles to get your visitor’s visa to the United States, and you’re rarin’ to hop on that plane after your siblings and cousins chipped in so you could pay for your discounted ticket and provide you with some pocket money. After all, you’re visiting the most powerful country in the world, the No. 1 Economy, the Bastion of Democracy, Home of the Brave — not to mention Hollywood, Universal Studios, and Broadway.
But for heaven’s sake, think twice, thrice, a dozen times. You might end up coming back home to the Philippines in a body bag!
In just the last 24 hours, two mass shootings occurred in America — one in El Paso, Texas; and the other in Dayton, Ohio. What’s more, just in the month of July this year, over 50 mass shootings were recorded across America, not just a few of which were prompted by hatred for browned-skinned people like yourselves.
So we advice you to cancel your U.S. trip and stay in the Philippines. Your’re a thousand times safer here despite all the fake news about EJKs supposedly being perpetrated by the government. Buhay ka pa naman, di ba?
But if you absolutely have to travel to America, heed our advice:
- Don’t go to Churches or Mosques
- Don’t watch live concerts or ball games, or watch Hollywood films in cinemas
- Don’t bring your apos or pamangkins to their schools
- Don’t go shopping at the malls, even when there is a huge sale
- Stay away from Central Park, Golden Gate Park or Parking garages
- Avoid the freeways, highways, or the Crookedest Street in San Francisco
- Don’t go on a Cruise
- Avoid all subways
- Don’t go gambling in Las Vegas or Atlantic City
- Don’t watch any parades
- When in public, speak softly to hide your accent
- Just stay home with your U.S. citizen relatives and friends. We’re sure they have Netflix
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Every now and then, the State Department issues travel advisories to American citizens warning them about dangers of visiting foreign countries — the Philippines included — it deems unsafe or a security risk.
Now the tide has turned.
Philippines Foreign Affairs Secretary Teddy Boy Locsin just announced that he has issued a travel advisory to Filipinos planning to visit the U.S.
The advisory came on the heels of the most recent mass shooting in El Paso, Texas, in which about 20 people were reported killed and scores injured.
In July of this year alone, more than 50 mass shootings were recorded across the U.S., prompting Locsin to declare travel to America totally unsafe. He advised Filipinos with approved travel visas to the U.S. to tear out the U.S. visa page of their Philippine passports because it is practically a useless document as far as travel safety is concerned.
Locsin recommended that Filipinos travel to Hong Kong instead unless the last name on their passports is Carpio-Morales or Del Rosario.
REYKJAVIK, Iceland (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) – Until recently, Filipinos wanting to visit Iceland needed a travel visa. Not any more. The Nordic country has just announced that it has added the Philippines among countries whose citizens are not required to obtain a travel visa.
The announcement came just weeks after Iceland sponsored a U.N. Resolution calling for an investigation of President Rodrigo Duterte’s war on drugs which has allegedly killed thousands. Extra-judicially, that is.
Iceland is a dream travel destination for Filipinos because they won’t ever miss their favorite shaved ice snack, halo-halo. There’s a lot of ice just laying around in Iceland.
There’s one caveat, though. Filipinos wanting to avail of this no-visa policiy must prove they or members of their family must prove they are EJK victims.