Category Archives: Religion

This Conversation Happened Before St. Peter Sent Duterte Back To Earth

San Pedro:  Welcome to the gates of heaven.

Digong: Daghang salamat. This is quite a change from  the gates of hell where I came from.

San Pedro:  I see that you’ve read Dan Brown’s ‘Inferno.’

Digong:  But I’m not really from Manila.  I’m from Davao.  The people there love me because I’ve transformed the city into a paradise.

San Pedro: That’s what I heard.  So, tell me why I should let you in.

Digong:  Well, I cleaned up Boracay Island.  

San Pedro: That’s good.

Digong:  I cleaned up Manila Bay.

San Pedro: Awesome.

Digong: I cleaned up my government from corruption.

San Pedro: Impressive.

Digong: I frequently joke about women and rape.

San Pedro: Hmmm.

Digong: I cursed the Pope.

San Pedro: Hmmmm.

Digong: I cursed Barack Obama

San Pedro: Hmmm.

Digong: I called God a stupid god

San Pedro: Whoa!

Digong: I killed drug dealers and addicts who resisted arrest.

San Pedro: Stop right there.  I think you need to clean up your act.  Go to hell.

Digong: You’re handing me over to Satan?

San Pedro: No, no! What I mean is go back to Manila.

RELATED: Duterte Confirms His Death

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Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte Confirms His Death, Says He Rose Again After Three Days

Honeylet Avanceña holds a Sunday edition of Philippine Star

DAVAO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Davao Bureau) – Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte on Sunday confirmed rumors that he had passed away.

”It’s true,” Duterte said, “but I rose again after three days.”

To prove he is back alive, Duterte’s companion, Honylet Avanceña posted a live video of the couple reading last Sunday’s edition of the Philippine Star.

Duterte’s resurrection greatly bothered those who have been advocating for the late Corazon Aquino to be named the next Filipino saint.  The former President has not been credited with any miracle, as required by the Roman Catholic Church before proclamation to sainthood.

With Duterte rising from the dead on the third day, many Catholic believers say this was a miracle, a sign from God, and that he should now be proclaimed a living saint.

There was no word from Pope Francis who is currently visiting in the Middle East whether or not he is going to make that proclamation.

RELATED: Conversation between St. Peter and Duterte

Jollibee Mascot Denies Being Part Of Opposition Network Seeking Duterte Ouster

251E78D8-216A-4629-AFBF-3B96B3ECD1FEMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Former Davao City Vice Mayor Paolo Duterte has bared a massive opposition network, including several yellow politicians, Catholic bishops and companies, allegedly seeking to oust President Duterte from office.

Among those mentioned in Paolo’s Facebook page were Vice President Leni Robredo, Senator Risa Hontiveros, Rappler’s Maria Ressa, FilAm Imelda Nicolas, several Catholic bishops, and companies including Jollibee.

Today, a leading mascot of Jollibee came out of his costume and denied being part of the network.

The mascot, who requested to remain anonymous on the grounds that he might incriminate himself, was seen in a photo with Robredo and several Catholic clergy which was previously posted on the Vice President’s social media account.

”I categorically deny the allegation,” the mascot said. “My role in my company is simply to promote Chicken Joy and other inexpensive Filipino fast food menus.”