Category Archives: Health & Medicine

PNoy, Garin, Duque Agree To Be Vaccinated With Dengvaxia

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau)- Presidential Spokesperson  Salvador Panelo said that the Duterte government is open to bringing back the controversial vaccine Dengvaxia if it will help curb the increasing cases of Dengue in the country.

Panelo made the statement after Iloilo 1st District Representative and former Health Secretary Janette Garin said the recent dengue outbreak in the country could have been prevented by the discontinued Dengvaxia vaccination drive.

Garin and her former boss President Noynoy Aquino were highly criticized for the botched Dengue vaccination program which allegedly resulted in the death of over a hundred school kids.

Now, Aquino, Garin and current Health Secretary Enrique Duque have agreed to be vaccinated with Dengvaxia, along with their families, to prove that the Sanofi-manufactured vaccine is safe.

No less than Sanofi had admitted that Dengvaxia, while safe to use on those who previously had Dengue, can pose some serious consequences for those who have never had the disease.

Aquino and Garin also urged Opposition Senators Kiko Pangilinan, Risa Hontiveros and Franklin Drilon and their families to get vaccinated with Dengvaxia  as a way of “leadership by example.”

 

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Huawei’s Foldable Smartphone Comes With Pre-installed Cure For Selfitis

BEIJING, China (The Adobo Chronicles, Hong Kong Bureau) – In 2014, The Adobo Chronicles broke the news story that the American Psychiatric Association had officially confirmed that the taking of ‘selfies’ is a mental disorder.

Since we broke the story, studies have been conducted by various groups and institutions, including researchers from Nottingham Trent University and Thiagarajar School of Management, that confirmed the mental condition and they even developed a “Selfitis Behaviour Scale” to assess how badly a person’s selfitis is.

Now, the Chinese smartphone manufacturer, Huawei, has just announced that its foldable smartphone, the Mate-X, will come pre-installed with a cure for those suffering from selfitis.

Included in Mate-X is a unique chip that monitors the number of times a phone owner takes selfies. Once the number of selfies in a 24-hour period exceeds 5, the phone’s camera automatically shuts down. The camera automatically re-installs after 36 hours.

A spokesperson for Huawei said that this unique feature is in keeping with the company’s social responsibility to their customers. “We want to do our part in their healing and recovery if they are indeed suffering from this devastating mental condition “ he added.

 

Palace Admits: Duterte Is Sick!

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Rappler’s website has a compilation of its own stories about Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte’s health. A photo that has been circulating on social media shows Duterte supposedly wearing a colostomy bag. His Hong Kong trips with his family were said to be appointments with doctors. The news media have been fascinated at his darkening skin color. Many wondered why he napped through the distribution of diplomas at last week’s graduation ceremonies at the Philippine Military Academy.

Today — once and for all — Malacañang Palace finally admitted that the President is sick. Very sick.

”He’s sick and tired of all the rumors and speculations about his health, Presidential Spokesperson Salvador Panelo told members of the Malacañang Press Corpse (not a typo).

To end it all, Panelo said: “I have news for you. Si Duterte ay isang masamang damo na matagal mamatay (Duterte is bad grass that won’t die for a long time). So, you scheming yellow politicians and destabilizers, foreign-funded news media and netizen trolls — you can all eat your heart out.  Duterte is not going anywhere, and you can kill your hallucinations about Leni Robredo becoming President any time soon, or ever.”

End of story.