Category Archives: Law Enforcement

Canada Outlaws Autocorrect After Legalizing Cannibalism

D2B4B3B9-C976-4913-9B48-1F3486DF3DE3OTTAWA, Canada (The Adobo Chronicles, Toronto Bureau) – Canada’s House of Commons passed Bill C-45 which legalized cannibalism.

It wasn’t meant to be that way. What it hoped to pass was a bill that would legalize recreational marijuana, or cannabis. But thanks to autocorrect, it is still illegal to smoke pot but now legal to eat humans.

Upon noticing the error, the lawmakers rushed to unanimously approve a new law outlawing autocorrect.

Alas, the cannibalism law is still alive and kicking.

 

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MMDA To Reduce Maximum Speed On EDSA from 0 To 50 Km/hr

7365C2D9-326D-4E13-ACDB-08AFB18662BBMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – In a brilliant move to solve the nightmarish traffic along EDSA, the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) today announced that it was reducing the maximum driving speed from 60 to 50 km/hr.

The problem is, nobody told the MMDA that current speed along the major thoroughfare averages at 0 km/hr.

Houston, we’ve got a problem!

Senator Bam Aquino Introduces Amendment To Proposed Death Penalty Bill

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Opposition Senator Bam Aquino has made it crystal clear that he was against the reimposition of capital punishment in the Philippines.

Pro- death penalty legislators, however, have been trying to find a compromise with Aquino in order to move forward with the stalled Bill. Well, they finally got what they wanted.

Aquino has just filed an amendment to the proposed Death Penalty Bill by adding a provision that should capital punishment be reinstated in the country, execution should be in the form of an electric chair.

Not just any electrict chair, but a yellow-painted electric chair just like Alabaman’s  famed ‘Yellow Mama.’

Yellow Mama is the nickname given to Alabama’s electric chair, which was used for executions from 1927–2002.

First installed at Kilby State Prison in Montgomery, Alabama, the chair acquired its yellow color when painted using highway-line paint from the adjacent State Highway Department lab.[1] The chair was built by a British inmate in 1927 and was first used to execute Horace DeVauhan that same year.