Category Archives: The Media

Business, Human Interest, International, Language, Religion, Science and Environment, Technology, The Media

APPLE NIXES iPHONE 6, WILL UNVEIL iPHONE 7

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imageCupertino, California  (The Adobo Chronicles) – The rumor mill is overflowing with lots of speculation that Apple will unveil its next series of its popular iPhone this August, a month earlier than its usual schedule in announcing its new products.

After speaking with very reliable sources inside Apple’s Cupertino headquarters, The Adobo Chronicles can now confirm that the Silicon Valley tech giant will indeed unveil the next generation iPhone on August 1, but it will not be an iPhone 6.

Sources said that Apple is skipping the iPhone 6 and will instead come out with the iPhone 7. The reason? Apple executives realize that the number ‘6’ is bad for business and that the company wants to be politically correct and sensitive to the religious and superstitious beliefs of its loyal customer base.

To add the number 6 to its smartphone, given that the current operating system (iOS) is version 10.66, Apple fears that it may be accused of promoting the Anti-Christ or the devil. In the bible and other literature,  the Anti-Christ and devil are represented by the numbers 666.

The good news for iPhone fans is that the new version of the smartphone is thinner, bigger, faster and transparent ( see photo).

In less than 24 hours since announcing the new iPhone 7, Apple said that the backorder and waiting time for the iPhone 7 is now estimated to be 666 days.

Business, Film and TV, Human Interest, International, Politics, Same-sex Marriage, Sports, The Media

CNN IS BIGGEST WINNER IN NFL DRAFT OF FIRST OPENLY GAY PLAYER

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Michael Sam
Michael Sam

Atlanta, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles) – History was made today when the St. Louis Rams picked the first openly gay player ever to be drafted in the NFL. Michael Sam will join the Rams in the next NFL season.

It was a big win for Sam and the lgbt community but the biggest winner was CNN.

As soon as NFL vice president of game operations Mike Kensil walked to the podium at Radio City Music Hall in New York and announced the selection of Sam, pandemonium filled the newsroom at CNN’s Atlanta headquarters. Producers, news directors and anchors were high-fiving each other and popping bottles of champagne.

For several weeks now, CNN was getting very nervous because it was running out of news material for its 24-hour cable broadcast.  It has spent several months covering and discussing the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines  Flight 370. To this day, CNN could only report that the search operations for the doomed plane or debris have turned up nothing – zero, nada, zilch. CNN anchors, pundits and self-proclaimed expert analysts have run out of theories, speculation and wishful thoughts on what happened to the Boeing 777 jetliner. They’ve also run out of props (toy planes, etc).

The NFL draft announcement would  give CNN a good 90 days of continuous coverage and it has lined up guests and experts who will discuss, analyze, and speculate on the aftermath of Sam’s unprecedented draft.

CNN Newsroom has already scheduled segment topics such as ‘The Future of NFL,’ ‘Locker Room Politics’ and ‘Heterosexuality, Homesexuality and the new NFL.’

Arts, Health & Medicine, Human Interest, International, The Media

A SATIRE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, RESEARCHERS FIND

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imageSan Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Researchers at the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF) have just released an earthshaking study that links satire to better health and longer life.

Satire is a centuries-old type of literature that uses humor and imitation to attack and ridicule individuals’ moral and character flaws, such as vice, unfairness, stupidity or vanity.

The study involved a large group of self-proclaimed netizens, half of whom admitted to reading news satire at least once every morning and the other half (control group) professed no interest at all in this art form while limiting their news reading to legitimate, traditional media sources.

The results showed that the satire group sought medical attention for health issues on an average of once a year, the bulk of which was for their routine annual checkup. The non-satire group saw their doctors anywhere from six to ten times a year for serious health conditions ranging from hypertension and high cholesterol to sleep deprivation and depression.  The satire group tended to be more mature, age-wise, leading the researchers to conclude that satire readers live a longer life.

The satire group also prefers to watch television shows like ‘The Daily News,’ ‘ The Colbert Report,’ and ‘ ‘Saturday Night Live’ over CNN, FOX and MSNBC News.

The study recommends that people add satire to their daily dose of fruits, vegetables, protein, Olive oil , 2 glasses of wine and a morning cup of freshly-brewed coffee.