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TOP TEN THINGS TO EXPECT FROM SONA (STATE OF THE NATION ADDRESS)

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imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – On Monday, July 28, President Aquino will deliver his 5th State of the Nation Address (SONA), the Philippine equivalent of the U.S. State of the Union (SOTU).

Here are the top ten things to expect from this year’s SONA to be delivered at the House of Representatives Building (Batasang Pambansa).

  1. Aquino has officially renamed it ‘State of NoyNoy Address.’
  2. Only senators and congressmen wearing yellow ribbons will be allowed in the assembly hall.
  3. Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Bong Revilla, Jr, and Jinggoy Estrada will be participating by skype from their jail cells.
  4. Aquino will begin his address by apologizing to Noranians for snubbing their idol Nora Aunor in the naming of National Artists.
  5. In an unprecedented move, Aquino’s showbiz sister, Kris, will be seated at the dais, next to the podium where the president will be speaking from.
  6. All the justices of the Supreme Court will be seated in the back row of the assembly floor as punishment for ruling that Aquino’s Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP) is unconstitutional.
  7. Vice President Jejomar Binay will be watching via closed ciruit TV in his senate office; Aquino wants to let Filipinos know  that he is sill in charge.
  8. When Aquino talks about the pork barrel scandal, TV networks will show Janet Lim-Napoles via live cam from her jail cell.
  9. Because Aquino has no accomplishments to report, the SONA will only last for 10 minutes, the shortest presidential SONA ever.
  10. Aquino will declare a recess 5 minutes into his speech for a cigarette break.
International, Law Enforcement, Politics, Tourism, Travel

REPUBLICANS SEEK COMPROMISE ON IMMIGRATION REFORM

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imageWashington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – Rep. Mike McCaul, R-Texas, who chairs the House Homeland Security Committee, told Fox News Sunday that Republicans were considering a compromise with the Obama administration that would reinstate bipartisan talks and possibly a  bill that would establish true comprehensive immigration reform this year.

The compromise will not only authorize the release of  President Obama’s $3.7 Billion emergency spending request to Congress to stem the flow of children across the southwest U.S. border but permanently fix the broken immigration system of the United States.

“We are prepared to  give in to all of Obama’s proposed immigration policies, including the granting of amnesty to the estimated 11 Million undocumented immigrants currently living in the country in exchange for a no-nonsense border security plan,” McCaul said.

When asked by The Adobo Chronicles  what one major compromise the Republicans were seeking, McCaul said, “Very simple: close all existing gaps in the U.S.-Mexico borders in California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas.  But in addition, we would like to construct  steel fences in the waters on either side of the U.S. territory, in the Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans.”

In an analysis of the Republican proposal, it was determined that the proposed steel fences will be built at 12 nautical miles around the state of Hawaii in the Pacific Ocean and 12 nautical miles around all eastern states that look out into the Atlantic Ocean.

The Obama administration is currently reviewing the Republican proposal and is expected to issue a statement in the next couple of days.

Will this finally put at end to the immigration impasse?

Human Interest, International, Language, Sports, Tourism, Travel

WIMBLEDON: MCENROE, GULBIS WANT TO RID TENNIS OF VAMPIRES

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Gulbis
Gulbis

London, Great Britain (The Adobo Chronicles) – There have been reported sightings of vampires this week in Wimbledon, the oldest tennis tournament in the world, and widely considered the most prestigious.

This has led tennis legend John McEnroe to spearhead a campaign to rid Wimbledon — and tennis in general — of these blood-sucking creatures as immortalized in the blockbuster ‘Twilight’ movies. image

Among the first to respond to McEnroe’s campaign was Ernests Gulbis of Latvia. In a press conference following his first-round win in the tournament, Gulbis lashed out at vampires in an impassioned plea to cleanse the tennis courts of evil beings.

Here’s a video clip of the press conference in Wimbledon.