Category Archives: International

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PRESIDENT AQUINO DECLARES ZOMBIE ZONES IN TYPHOON-RAVAGED PHILIPPINE COASTAL AREAS

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Photo credit: AFP
Photo credit: AFP

Manila, Philippines – Amid protests from local officials and sharp criticism from international humanitarian agencies, Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino declared coastal areas in Haiyan (Yolanda) typhoon-ravaged towns and cities as ‘zombie zones.’

The presidential directive prohibits construction or reconstruction of houses along the coastlines of Leyte, Samar, Aklan, Cebu, Iloilo, Capiz and other areas affected by the most powerful typhoon ever to hit landfall. Under this new policy, no-build zones (NBZs) will be set up 4o meters from the high-water mark to the coastline. It is estimated that over 100,000 families will be dislocated as a result of the new policy.

The only exception to the rule would be high-rise hotels, condominiums and resorts.

Initially, the new policy was met with much anger by the typhoon victims who refused to leave the coastal areas which have been their home for many generations. But Aquino directed the Department of Environment and Natural Resources, Department of Tourism and the Malacañang Press Office to re-brand the new policy. That’s when they came up with ‘zombie zones’ to replace ‘no-build zones.’

The Aquino administration capitalized on the Filipinos’ fear of ghosts and propensity to believe in superstition to pacify the angry masses. Apparently, it worked.

The government is now looking for relocation areas for the dislocated families at least 15 miles away from the coastlines, where they would be off limits to zombies.

Film and TV, Human Interest, International, Technology, The Media

CNN RENAMES ITSELF, NOW CALLED CTNN

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black holeAtlanta Georgia – In its desperate attempt to solve the mystery of the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, CNN has finally found its niche, and has decided to rename the network, once considered the leader in 24-hour cable news.

No other television news network has dared to espouse its own theories about what happened to the doomed flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. CNN had too much air time to fill with little to no information to go by, so its anchors and experts speculated on their own, saying that “God may have stolen the missing plane,” and used unconventional visual aids — like a toy plane — to make their case. In a recent news segment anchored by Don Lemon, CNN gathered a powerball group of experts (see photo)  to try to lend credibility to its latest theory:  the plane was swallowed by a black hole.

Since the network began its 24-hour coverage of Flight 370, CNN executives said that viewership has increased by  more than 100%, and they attributed it to the unconventional treatment of this mystery by its anchors and experts.

As of March 21, CNN’s new name will be CTNN – Cable Tabloid News Network.

Film and TV, International, Music, Religion, The Media

POPE FRANCIS SAYS HE WILL VOTE FOR SINGING NUN ON ITALY’S ‘THE VOICE’

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imageRome, Italy – This has all the trimmings of the classic 1966 movie, ‘The Singing Nun” except that it’s 2014, where reality TV shows like “The Voice” are dominating airwaves worldwide, including Italy.

The latest episode of ‘The Voice’ Italy featured a contestant who was a certified Catholic nun, rocking her way into the hearts of the judges, the live and television audience, and yes, even Pope Francis who announced he is going to vote for Sister Cristina Scuccia. Her rendition of Alicia Keys’ ‘No One’ captivated the entire country and beyond.

With the Pope’s endorsement and over 60 Million Catholics in Italy, Sister Cristina’s victory is almost assured.

Here’s a video clip of  the nun’s  surprising performance.