ST. PETER, Minnesota (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) – State health officials today confirmed earlier reports that former Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann has escaped from the maximum security mental hospital in St. Peter.
The former Republican presidential candidate and founder of the House Tea Party Caucus voluntarily checked in at the facility immediately after her congressional term expired in 2015 and hasn’t been heard of from ever since.
Just hours after her escape, she wrote a column for the right-wing site of crazy, World Net Daily, titled, “Obama Enjoys Cuba While Civilization Burns,” where she claimed the president humiliated America by meeting with Castro.
“This week, a United States president was humiliated on the world’s stage by an aging, insulting Communist dictator. Our feckless U.S. president appeared unfazed by the message he portrayed of American incompetence and historic irrelevance. In fact, the president appeared pleased with himself and seemed to revel in his infallible cleverness,” she wrote.
She went on to say that ISIS attacks may just be the work of God:
“OR MAYBE OUR PRESIDENT’S HUMILIATION COMES IN A MANNER SO DEVASTATING IT MAKES ONE WONDER WHETHER THE CREATOR OF HUMANKIND ISN’T REMINDING THIS WORLD OF THE INFERIORITY OF FOOLISHNESS IN THE FACE OF WISDOM.”
A massive womanhunt has been launched to locate Bachmann to prevent the further spread of her contagious mental condition which authorities fear could infect the already crazy (and now sex scandal-tainted) Republican contest for the presidential nomation.
Sightings of Bachmann may be reported by calling a toll-free number, 1-800-GET-CRZY.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – Former presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has proposed a ban on the sale in the U.S. of the Menorah, a candelabrum used in Jewish worship, especially during the observance of Hanukkah.
She made the proposal as she called for an intensified effort to convert Jews to Christianity.
In the radio program, “Washington Watch,” Bachmann discussed the meaning of the recent intensification of violence in Israel and the West Bank. She cast the violence as a signal of the return of Jesus, which would necessitate mass conversions.
“We recognize the shortness of the hour,” Bachmann said on the program hosted by Tony Perkins, “and that’s why we as a remnant want to be faithful in these days and do what it is that the Holy Spirit is speaking to each one of us, to be faithful in the Kingdom and to help bring in as many as we can — even among the Jews — share Jesus Christ with everyone that we possibly can because, again, He’s coming soon.”
Bachmann added that banning the sale of the Menorah would be a great and meaningful first step in converting Jews to Christianity. She proposed that American Jews should decorate their homes with a Christmas tree instead. “If that offends them, then an alternative would be to set up a giant inflatable Santa Claus in their front lawns,” she said.
Minneapolis, Minnesota (The Adobo Chronicles) – Republican Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann staged her strongest attack yet against environmentalists who claim that global warming is responsible for the recent weird changes in the world’s weather pattern.
“Global warming is a myth and has no basis in science,” Bachmann said. She used this week’s weather forecast in her home state to debunk claims that the world is getting warmer and warmer.
Acccording to weather forecasts, Minnesota wll experience an entire week beginning Tuesday of below freezing temperatures from below to mid 20’s (freezing temperatures begin at 32 degrees F).
“How can environmentalists claim global warming when right here in my state, we are freezing,” Bachamann said.
Bachmann made the comments as international negotiators gathering in Lima, Peru for climate change talks have agreed on a plan to fight global warming that would for the first time commit all countries to cutting their greenhouse gas emissions.