NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) – Previously, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump proposed banning all Muslim travel to the United States in order to prevent ISIS from planning and executing terrorist activity. Now he also wants to ban all Filipinos.
Trump’s new call under the war on terror came just hours after the Islamic State claimed responsibility for clashes between militants linked to the group and Philippine soldiers this week that led to the death of 23 people.
The army said the military had attacked a stronghold of rebels linked to Islamic State on the island of Basilan led by an insurgent for whom the U.S. State Department has offered a bounty of up to $5 million.
“With the grace of god we were able to detonate seven trucks carrying soldiers,” an Islamic State statement said.
Trump said that this latest encounter in Basilan shows that ISIS has arrived in the Philippines and that “we need to make sure that Filipinos affiliated with the terror group are banned from entering the U.S.”
As for the estimated 4 Million Filipinos already in the U.S., Trump said he has not closed the door to their possible incarceration if they become a threat to national security.
ST. PETER, Minnesota (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) – State health officials today confirmed earlier reports that former Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann has escaped from the maximum security mental hospital in St. Peter.
The former Republican presidential candidate and founder of the House Tea Party Caucus voluntarily checked in at the facility immediately after her congressional term expired in 2015 and hasn’t been heard of from ever since.
Just hours after her escape, she wrote a column for the right-wing site of crazy, World Net Daily, titled, “Obama Enjoys Cuba While Civilization Burns,” where she claimed the president humiliated America by meeting with Castro.
“This week, a United States president was humiliated on the world’s stage by an aging, insulting Communist dictator. Our feckless U.S. president appeared unfazed by the message he portrayed of American incompetence and historic irrelevance. In fact, the president appeared pleased with himself and seemed to revel in his infallible cleverness,” she wrote.
She went on to say that ISIS attacks may just be the work of God:
“OR MAYBE OUR PRESIDENT’S HUMILIATION COMES IN A MANNER SO DEVASTATING IT MAKES ONE WONDER WHETHER THE CREATOR OF HUMANKIND ISN’T REMINDING THIS WORLD OF THE INFERIORITY OF FOOLISHNESS IN THE FACE OF WISDOM.”
A massive womanhunt has been launched to locate Bachmann to prevent the further spread of her contagious mental condition which authorities fear could infect the already crazy (and now sex scandal-tainted) Republican contest for the presidential nomation.
Sightings of Bachmann may be reported by calling a toll-free number, 1-800-GET-CRZY.