MANILA’S INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT INSTALLS HEATERS BY MISTAKE

imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – If you are planning to travel to the Philippines in the next  few months, be prepared for extreme hot temperatures when you land at Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) in Manila.

NAIA’s reputation as one of the worst airports in the world has been exacerbated by airconditioning problems in its terminals, with incoming and outgoing passengers describing the terminal as a dry sauna. So it was a welcome relief when the airport administration finally received the shipment of 36 airconditioning units it had ordered from Japan. With much fanfare, Angel Hornado, general manager of the Manila International Airport Authority, announced last week that the installation of the new units would begin and will be completed in three working days.

Like with all projects in the Philippines, a ribbon-cutting ceremony was scheduled Saturday to mark the official switching on of the new airconditioning units. Presidential sister, actress and television host Kris Aquino was invited as honored guest to cut the ribbon. “It’s quite an emotional moment for me,” she said.  NAIA was, of course, named after her dad who was assassinated at the same airport upon his return from exile during the Marcos years.

Then Hornado flashed a thumbs up to signal the switching on of the cooling units.  In less than 15 minutes, all units were functioning and guests and passengers could hear the soft humming of the fans that started to blow air into the sprawling, albeit crowded terminal.

But something was obviously terribly wrong. The new units were blowing hot air and they added to the already warm and humid temperature inside the terminal.

Immediately, an aide came rushing towards Hornado and whispered, “Sir, the units that were installed were actually heaters!”

Apparently, something was lost in translation when the airconditioning units were ordered from Japan.

For now, NAIA remains the hottest airport in the world.

 

 

2,000 HAIL MARYS A DAY NOT ENOUGH TO ATONE FOR JANET NAPOLES’ SINS, ACCORDING TO BISHOP

imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Atty. Stephen David, lawyer for suspected pork barrel scandal mastermind Janet Lim-Napoles told reporters today that his client prays 2,000 Hail Marys everyday as a way to cope with the emotional and mental stress of incarceration.

Napoles is currently in jail in connection with the elaborate scam that diverted 10 Billion pesos of taxpayer money into fake Nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) and into the pockets of elected officials.  Three senators, Juan Ponce Enrile, Bong Revilla, Jr. and Jinggoy Estrada have also been arrested and jailed for their alleged involvement in the scam.

Reacting to the lawyer’s statement, Socrates Villegas, president of the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) said that 2,000 Hail Marys a day is not enough for Napoles to atone for her sins. Bishop Villegas said that under the moral principle of ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ Napoles would need to pray 10 Billion Hail Marys before she can even ask the Lord for pardon. “She has a long way to go,” Villegas said.

As to whether praying Hail Marys would eventually lead to Napoles’ release from prison, Villegas said, “that’s up to the Philippine government. As you know, separation of church and state is a basic tenet of the constitution.”

Reader participation: How many Hail Marys would it take for Napoles to complete 10 Billion? Post your answers in the comment section.

JOAN RIVERS ADMITS TO HUGE DROP IN HER IQ

imageLos Angeles, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Comedienne Joan Rivers is in hot water yet again after she told reporters that the 2,000 Palestinians  who have been killed in Gaza as a result of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict deserved their fate.

“They were told to get out. They didn’t get out. You don’t get out, you are an idiot. At least the ones that were killed were the ones with very low IQ’s,” she said.

Rivers, before her career was relegated to being the red carpet fashion police, was considered one of the more intelligent television personalities in the same category as Johnny Carson and David Letterman.

However, in an interview with The Adobo Chronicles, Rivers admitted that her  IQ has tremendously decreased over the last decade. She says she used to have an IQ of 150 which is considered anywhere between high and being a genuius.  Now she says that in the latest IQ test she took, she scored a measly 75.

“I think my age is getting the best of me, or perhaps I should be associating more with the likes of Jon Stewart,  Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon,” she admitted.

She said she will try to call Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas to personally apologize for her insensitive comments.

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