Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – On Monday, July 28, President Aquino will deliver his 5th State of the Nation Address (SONA), the Philippine equivalent of the U.S. State of the Union (SOTU).

Here are the top ten things to expect from this year’s SONA to be delivered at the House of Representatives Building (Batasang Pambansa).

1. Aquino has officially renamed it ‘State of NoyNoy Address.’
2. Only senators and congressmen wearing yellow ribbons will be allowed in the assembly hall.
3. Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Bong Revilla, Jr, and Jinggoy Estrada will be participating by skype from their jail cells.
4. Aquino will begin his address by apologizing to Noranians for snubbing their idol Nora Aunor in the naming of National Artists.
5. In an unprecedented move, Aquino’s showbiz sister, Kris, will be seated at the dais, next to the podium where the president will be speaking from.
6. All the justices of the Supreme Court will be seated in the back row of the assembly floor as punishment for ruling that Aquino’s Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP) is unconstitutional.
7. Vice President Jejomar Binay will be watching via closed ciruit TV in his senate office; Aquino wants to let Filipinos know  that he is sill in charge.
8. When Aquino talks about the pork barrel scandal, TV networks will show Janet Lim-Napoles via live cam from her jail cell.
9. Because Aquino has no accomplishments to report, the SONA will only last for 10 minutes, the shortest presidential SONA ever.
10. Aquino will declare a recess 5 minutes into his speech for a cigarette break.