Category Archives: Human Interest

CNN IS BIGGEST WINNER IN NFL DRAFT OF FIRST OPENLY GAY PLAYER

Michael Sam
Michael Sam

Atlanta, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles) – History was made today when the St. Louis Rams picked the first openly gay player ever to be drafted in the NFL. Michael Sam will join the Rams in the next NFL season.

It was a big win for Sam and the lgbt community but the biggest winner was CNN.

As soon as NFL vice president of game operations Mike Kensil walked to the podium at Radio City Music Hall in New York and announced the selection of Sam, pandemonium filled the newsroom at CNN’s Atlanta headquarters. Producers, news directors and anchors were high-fiving each other and popping bottles of champagne.

For several weeks now, CNN was getting very nervous because it was running out of news material for its 24-hour cable broadcast.  It has spent several months covering and discussing the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines  Flight 370. To this day, CNN could only report that the search operations for the doomed plane or debris have turned up nothing – zero, nada, zilch. CNN anchors, pundits and self-proclaimed expert analysts have run out of theories, speculation and wishful thoughts on what happened to the Boeing 777 jetliner. They’ve also run out of props (toy planes, etc).

The NFL draft announcement would  give CNN a good 90 days of continuous coverage and it has lined up guests and experts who will discuss, analyze, and speculate on the aftermath of Sam’s unprecedented draft.

CNN Newsroom has already scheduled segment topics such as ‘The Future of NFL,’ ‘Locker Room Politics’ and ‘Heterosexuality, Homesexuality and the new NFL.’

A SATIRE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY, RESEARCHERS FIND

imageSan Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Researchers at the University of California in San Francisco (UCSF) have just released an earthshaking study that links satire to better health and longer life.

Satire is a centuries-old type of literature that uses humor and imitation to attack and ridicule individuals’ moral and character flaws, such as vice, unfairness, stupidity or vanity.

The study involved a large group of self-proclaimed netizens, half of whom admitted to reading news satire at least once every morning and the other half (control group) professed no interest at all in this art form while limiting their news reading to legitimate, traditional media sources.

The results showed that the satire group sought medical attention for health issues on an average of once a year, the bulk of which was for their routine annual checkup. The non-satire group saw their doctors anywhere from six to ten times a year for serious health conditions ranging from hypertension and high cholesterol to sleep deprivation and depression.  The satire group tended to be more mature, age-wise, leading the researchers to conclude that satire readers live a longer life.

The satire group also prefers to watch television shows like ‘The Daily News,’ ‘ The Colbert Report,’ and ‘ ‘Saturday Night Live’ over CNN, FOX and MSNBC News.

The study recommends that people add satire to their daily dose of fruits, vegetables, protein, Olive oil , 2 glasses of wine and a morning cup of freshly-brewed coffee.

 

EATING CORN GRITS LINKED TO HOMOSEXUALITY IN U.S, CHAMPION BOXERS IN THE PHILIPPINES

imageCebu City, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Two research studies released simultaneously today from opposite sides of the international dateline show an interesting link of eating corn grits to being gay and being a champion boxer.

The Daily Currant reports that scientists at Stanford University in California released a study showing that men who regularly eat grits are 70 percent more likely to have gay children.The prospective cohort study, published in Nature Medicine, followed 15,000 volunteers for 30 years to determine the influence of parental diet on the development of childhood illnesses.

In the Philippines, researchers at the University of the Visayas in Cebu City released their own study linking the consumption of corn grits to being champion boxers. While rice is the predominant staple in most of the Philippines, corn grits are the staple in many areas in the Visayas and Mindanao islands.

The Philippines has its share of champion boxers, many of whom hail from grit-eating cities and provinces. Manny Pacquiao is from Sarangani in Mindanao. Legendary Filipino boxer, the late Gabriel ‘Flash’ Elorde was from the Visayas.

Got grits? Be gay. Be a champion boxer!