Category Archives: Military

Film and TV, International, Military, The Media

JOAN RIVERS ADMITS TO HUGE DROP IN HER IQ

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imageLos Angeles, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Comedienne Joan Rivers is in hot water yet again after she told reporters that the 2,000 Palestinians  who have been killed in Gaza as a result of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict deserved their fate.

“They were told to get out. They didn’t get out. You don’t get out, you are an idiot. At least the ones that were killed were the ones with very low IQ’s,” she said.

Rivers, before her career was relegated to being the red carpet fashion police, was considered one of the more intelligent television personalities in the same category as Johnny Carson and David Letterman.

However, in an interview with The Adobo Chronicles, Rivers admitted that her  IQ has tremendously decreased over the last decade. She says she used to have an IQ of 150 which is considered anywhere between high and being a genuius.  Now she says that in the latest IQ test she took, she scored a measly 75.

“I think my age is getting the best of me, or perhaps I should be associating more with the likes of Jon Stewart,  Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon,” she admitted.

She said she will try to call Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas to personally apologize for her insensitive comments.

International, Military, Politics, Religion

CITING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS, OBAMA ORDERS AIRSTRIKE AGAINST IRAQ

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obamWashington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – The United States launched an airstrike Friday against Islamic militants in northern Iraq, just hours after President Barack Obama authorized military action against this same country that was invaded by George W. Bush in 2003.

The Pentagon said two FA-18 fighter-attack planes dropped 500-pound, laser-guided munitions on a mobile artillery place near Irbil, the capital of the Kurdish region.The jets came from the USS George H.W. Bush, an aircraft carrier operating in the Persian Gulf, according to a Defense Department official who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive military details.

Speaking to reporters minutes after the airstrike, Obama said the goal of today’s action was “to disarm Iraq of weapons of mass destruction and to free the Iraqi people,” using the exact same words by George W. Bush after the U.S. launched the now infamous “shock and awe” in Baghdad eleven years ago.

On October 21, 2011,  Obama announced that all US troops and trainers would leave Iraq by the end of the year, bringing the US mission in Iraq to an end. On December 15, 2011, US Defense Secretary Leon Panetta officially declared the Iraq War over, at a flag lowering ceremony in Baghdad.

“The U.S. has been having withdrawal symptoms since we officially ended the Iraq War three years ago,” Obama said.”We needed something that will keep our troops busy, so we decided to look for weapons of mass destruction which may have been hidden by the late Saddam Hussein in the mountains of Irbil. Besides, we need to keep up with our reputation as world police.”

When asked by a White House reporter what makes him think that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, Obama replied, “We saw credible evidence of WMDs using Google Maps which we then confirmed when we switched to satellite view using Google Earth.”

 

 

 

Economy, International, Law Enforcement, Military, Politics, The Media, Tourism

TOP TEN THINGS TO EXPECT FROM SONA (STATE OF THE NATION ADDRESS)

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imageManila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – On Monday, July 28, President Aquino will deliver his 5th State of the Nation Address (SONA), the Philippine equivalent of the U.S. State of the Union (SOTU).

Here are the top ten things to expect from this year’s SONA to be delivered at the House of Representatives Building (Batasang Pambansa).

  1. Aquino has officially renamed it ‘State of NoyNoy Address.’
  2. Only senators and congressmen wearing yellow ribbons will be allowed in the assembly hall.
  3. Senators Juan Ponce Enrile, Bong Revilla, Jr, and Jinggoy Estrada will be participating by skype from their jail cells.
  4. Aquino will begin his address by apologizing to Noranians for snubbing their idol Nora Aunor in the naming of National Artists.
  5. In an unprecedented move, Aquino’s showbiz sister, Kris, will be seated at the dais, next to the podium where the president will be speaking from.
  6. All the justices of the Supreme Court will be seated in the back row of the assembly floor as punishment for ruling that Aquino’s Disbursement Acceleration Program (DAP) is unconstitutional.
  7. Vice President Jejomar Binay will be watching via closed ciruit TV in his senate office; Aquino wants to let Filipinos know  that he is sill in charge.
  8. When Aquino talks about the pork barrel scandal, TV networks will show Janet Lim-Napoles via live cam from her jail cell.
  9. Because Aquino has no accomplishments to report, the SONA will only last for 10 minutes, the shortest presidential SONA ever.
  10. Aquino will declare a recess 5 minutes into his speech for a cigarette break.