Trump, Clinton Will Be Hooked To Polygraph Machine During Final Debate

IMG_6390.PNGPORTSMOUTH, New Hamphire (The Adobo Chronicles, Washinton Bureau) – Upping his criticism of Hillary Clinton’s debate performances, Donald Trump suggested on Saturday that his opponent had been on drugs during their second debate.

“I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate,” Mr. Trump told a crowd of thousands gathered at an event in Portsmouth.

“We should take a drug test prior, because I don’t know what’s going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate — she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, ‘Oh, take me down.’ She could barely reach her car, ” the Republican candidate said.

In an exclusive interview with The Adobo Chronicles, Clinton said that she had accepted Trump’s challenge and both will undergo a drug test an hour before the start of the third and final presidential debate scheduled for October 19 at the University of Nevada at Las Vegas.

But Clinton said she had one condition: that throughout the entire televised debate, both candidates will be hooked up to a polygraph machine, otherwise known as a lie-detector machine. Every time a candidate mentions a lie, a buzzer will sound, alerting the moderator as well as the live and television audience about the non-truth.  The Trump campaign agreed, albeit hesitantly.

The Commission on Presidential Debates welcomed the proposal and is considering making the polygraph a permanent feature of all future major political debates.

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Inquirer, FilAm Lawyer Apologize To Philippine President Duterte

img_6385SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) – The Inquirer, a leading Philippine daily newspaper, and Ted Laguatan, a self-confessed long-time San Francisco-based Filipino American lawyer, have issed a joint and very heart-felt apology to President Rodrigo Duterte today.

Yesterday, the Inquirer published a scathing op-ed piece by Laguatan in which he urged the world’s good and decent people like himself to force Duterte to resign. The good lawyer invoked Jesus Christ in hoping that the popular president amend “his evil ways” and  “save his soul.”

The problem? Laguatan named the wrong president, whoever that “Rodolfo Duterte” was. And it seemed that the Inquirer didn’t know any better by publishing the article.

Perhaps the newspaper couldn’t afford to pay a copyeditor? Or did the editors think Laguatan’s lengthy piece was satire?

Inquirer has since corrected the misnomer, but thanks to the power of the Internet Laguatan’s laughable piece and the Inquirer’s complicity in attacking Duterte will go down  in history as the greatest infamy in Philippine politics.

(The letter of apology hasn’t been published yet as it is undergoing some intensive copyediting and proofreading at the Inquirer.)

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Philippine President Duterte Was Serious When He Asked Obama ‘To Go To Hell’ But…

img_6382MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – When Rodrigo Roa Duterte last week said that Barack Obama can “go to hell,” the Philippine president was dead serious.  But what he said wasn’t offensive.

Duterte was merely extending an invitation to the U.S. President to come visit the Philippines, particularly Manila the capital.

You see, Manila was described by best-selling American author Dan Brown as “the gates of hell” in his latest novel ‘Inferno.’

So, Presidential Communications Secretary Martin Andanar said that “President Duterte was just using Brown’s description of Manila in inviting Obama to come visit again. (Obama was in the Philippines last year during the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation or APEC summit.)

“Duterte’s critics and the news media are just trying to sensationalize everything they hear from our president,” Andanar said. “If Obama was offended, he should complain to  Dan Brown.”

Coincidentally, the film version of ‘Inferno’ is currently showing in theaters in the Philippines and Ron Howard’s new masterpiece makes no mention of Manila or the Philippines as “the gates of hell.”

Perhaps Howard didn’t want to further offend the Filipinos?

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