JOAN RIVERS ADMITS TO HUGE DROP IN HER IQ

imageLos Angeles, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Comedienne Joan Rivers is in hot water yet again after she told reporters that the 2,000 Palestinians  who have been killed in Gaza as a result of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict deserved their fate.

“They were told to get out. They didn’t get out. You don’t get out, you are an idiot. At least the ones that were killed were the ones with very low IQ’s,” she said.

Rivers, before her career was relegated to being the red carpet fashion police, was considered one of the more intelligent television personalities in the same category as Johnny Carson and David Letterman.

However, in an interview with The Adobo Chronicles, Rivers admitted that her  IQ has tremendously decreased over the last decade. She says she used to have an IQ of 150 which is considered anywhere between high and being a genuius.  Now she says that in the latest IQ test she took, she scored a measly 75.

“I think my age is getting the best of me, or perhaps I should be associating more with the likes of Jon Stewart,  Jimmy Kimmel or Jimmy Fallon,” she admitted.

She said she will try to call Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas to personally apologize for her insensitive comments.

CITING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS, OBAMA ORDERS AIRSTRIKE AGAINST IRAQ

obamWashington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – The United States launched an airstrike Friday against Islamic militants in northern Iraq, just hours after President Barack Obama authorized military action against this same country that was invaded by George W. Bush in 2003.

The Pentagon said two FA-18 fighter-attack planes dropped 500-pound, laser-guided munitions on a mobile artillery place near Irbil, the capital of the Kurdish region.The jets came from the USS George H.W. Bush, an aircraft carrier operating in the Persian Gulf, according to a Defense Department official who spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss sensitive military details.

Speaking to reporters minutes after the airstrike, Obama said the goal of today’s action was “to disarm Iraq of weapons of mass destruction and to free the Iraqi people,” using the exact same words by George W. Bush after the U.S. launched the now infamous “shock and awe” in Baghdad eleven years ago.

On October 21, 2011,  Obama announced that all US troops and trainers would leave Iraq by the end of the year, bringing the US mission in Iraq to an end. On December 15, 2011, US Defense Secretary Leon Panetta officially declared the Iraq War over, at a flag lowering ceremony in Baghdad.

“The U.S. has been having withdrawal symptoms since we officially ended the Iraq War three years ago,” Obama said.”We needed something that will keep our troops busy, so we decided to look for weapons of mass destruction which may have been hidden by the late Saddam Hussein in the mountains of Irbil. Besides, we need to keep up with our reputation as world police.”

When asked by a White House reporter what makes him think that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, Obama replied, “We saw credible evidence of WMDs using Google Maps which we then confirmed when we switched to satellite view using Google Earth.”

 

 

 

CASTRO DISTRICT RESIDENTS: ‘WHERE IS THE HOT COP OF CASTRO WHEN WE NEED HIM?’

'The Hot Cop of Castro" Photo credit: Steven Kyle Weller
‘The Hot Cop of Castro’ (Photo credit: Steven Kyle Weller)

San Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Three people were arrested early Thursday morning after a fight broke out at a club and escalated to a shooting in San Francisco’s Castro District, a police spokesman said.

The argument between a 38-year-old man and a group comprised of a 25-year-old woman and two men, ages 25 and 33, started at a club near 18th and Collingwood Street around 2:45 a.m., San Francisco police spokesman Officer Gordon Shyy said.

News of the unfortunate incident spread like wildfire among residents and business owners in the Castro and everyone was asking, “Where is the hot cop of Castro when we need him?”  They were, of course, referring to Chris Kohrs, the police officer  who has become one of the most recognized faces in the city and elsewhere after his photo while patrolling Castro Street  was posted on the Internet.  A Facebook fan page was subsequently set up in his honor.  To date, it has garnered over 50,000 ‘likes.’

A reporter from The Adobo Chronicles tried to walk Castro Street all day today in search of Kohrs in order to get his statement about this morning’s the fight and shooting.  The hot cop was nowhere to be found.

Indeed, where is the hot cop of Castro when we need him?