PACMAN VS. TAXMAN: INTERNAL REVENUE CHIEF FLYING TO LAS VEGAS TO PERSONALLY COLLECT TAXES FROM PACQUIAO

Pacquiao and Henares
Pacquiao and Henares

Manila, Philippines – The Commissioner of the Philippines’ Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR) is flying to Las Vegas today to personally collect taxes on Manny Pacquiao’s earnings from the latter’s latest championship fight.  Pacquiao on Saturday regained the WBO welterweight title from American Timothy Bradley.  Pacquiao, who won by a unanimous decision, is expected to pocket some $20 Million in prize money, in addition to an unspecified percentage of receipts from Pay Per View’s cable coverage of the event.

In recent months, Commissioner Kim Henares has been after Pacquiao and other high-profile celebrities in what many believe is her personal crusade to prevent her tax agency from bankruptcy. She believes her policy of going after the “big guns” will salvage the BIR from total collapse.

In a statement made to reporters at the Departure VIP Lounge of the Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Henares said she wanted to witness first hand how much the boxing promoter will give to Pacquiao as his prize money. She plans to demand immediate payment of taxes from Pacquiao while she is in Las Vegas.

Henares admitted that her trip to Las Vegas is funded by taxpayer money but insisted that the expense is well worth the tax that will be collected from Pacquiao.

PHILIPPINE SENATOR BONG REVILLA A CHANGED MAN AFTER HOLY LAND ENCOUNTER

Revilla
Revilla

Tel Aviv, Israel – As the Office of the Philippine Ombudsman prepared to indict three senators for their alleged role in the 10 Billion-peso pork barrel scam, most Filipinos went about their usual traditional Lenten season rituals – fasting, abstaining from meat, visiting churches, praying the rosary, going through the stations of the cross (via crucis) and giving alms to the poor. There is much anticipation for Easter Sunday, which Catholics know to be the day that Jesus Christ resurrected following his death on the Cross.

The three senators – Juan Ponce Enrile, Jinggoy Estrada and Bong Revilla – are about to face plunder and graft charges for allegedly pocketing their pork barrel funds in an elaborate scheme supposedly masterminded by businesswoman Janet Lim-Napoles who is now in detention.

Senator Revilla is on a different level of Lenten tradition, one that  low to medium-income people don’t usually get the chance to experience. Revilla, his wife and children, are in the Holy Land on a religious pilgrimage to what is believed to be the birthplace of Jesus.

In a skype call with Revilla’s wife, Cavite Representative Lani Mercado-Revilla, she indicated that  immediately upon their arrival in Jerusalem, she saw a transformation with the Senator. “His physical appearance and demeanor totally changed. He seemed like he was at peace,  like he just came out of the confessional box. In fact, throughout our flight from Manila to Tel Aviv, Bong was very calm and kept on listening to a video recording of “My Way,” sung by Rose Fostanes, the Filipina caregiver and winner of the first “X Factor Israel.”

Mrs.Revilla denied that the family was planning to seek political asylum in Israel, adding: “when we return to the Philippines after the pilgrimage, Bong will make an important announcement.” She didn’t say whether that announcement would be “guilty” or “not guilty.”

Meanwhile, Senators Enrile and Estrada, appear to be observing the Lenten season in solitary confinement in their respective mansions, perhaps praying for divine intervention.

 

TIMOTHY BRADLEY ACCUSES MANNY PACQUIAO’S MOM OF VOODOOISM

Mommy D Pacquiao
Mommy D Pacquiao

Las Vegas, Nevada – Manny Pacquiao won a 12-round unanimous decision over Timothy Bradley on Saturday to avenge his controversial 2012 loss to the previously unbeaten American. But that was not the big news.

Moments after losing the WBO welterweight crown to the Filipino boxer and congressman, Bradley accused Pacquiao’s mom Dionisia, popularly known as Mommy D, of voodooism. Bradley claims that Mommy D cast some witchcraft on him, causing him to be disoriented in the last few rounds of the title fight at the MGM arena in Las Vegas.Mommy D was caught on camera, clutching a rosary and a tiny missalette, uttering unintelligible words while pointing at the American boxer.

It is believed that witchcraft is still practiced in parts of the Philippines and there still exist some occasional witches, locally known as mangkukulam.

The Pacquiao camp, however, simply dismissed Bradley’s accusation as “sour grapes.”