Tag Archives: U.S.Congress

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REPUBLICANS FINALLY AGREE TO COMPREHENSIVE IMMIGRATION REFORM

March 23, 2014 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Washington, D.C. ( EXCLUSIVE to The Adobo Chronicles) – Just when immigration advocates, Democrats and even President Barack Obama have all but given up hope for congress to pass a comprehensive immigration reform this year, Senate and House Republicans have put forward their most favorable proposal yet. It consists of total amnesty for the estimated 11 Million undocumented immigrants living in the U.S. — on one condition.

In an exclusive interview with The Adobo Chronicles, House Speaker John Boehner announced that a draft bill which has the blessing of both Republican senators and representatives, will be introduced in Congress early this week.

Boehner said that the Republicans have finally come to the conclusion that amnesty is the only way to fix the broken immigration system. He said, however, that in order to make the reform truly comprehensive, it must not only address border security going forward but insure that the law applies to all creatures entering the United States. “This would include killer whales, elephants, lions, tigers and all animal species brought to this country by zoos, theme parks and circuses,” Boehner said.

The Adobo Chronicles obtained a copy of the draft bill which mandates that all these creatures must obtain a work visa if employed for entertainment purposes. They will also be required to obtain health insurance under Obamacare. After 5 years in the U.S., the creatures will be eligible for permanent residency, and susequently, citizenship, after another 5 years.

The White House has declined comment saying that President Obama has yet to see a copy of the draft bill.

Politics

OBAMA VOWS TO REDUCE PORK BARREL SPENDING

July 22, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Washington, D.C. – Facing criticism for the country’s turtle-paced recovery from the recession and continued budget woes that put him in a never-ending fierce battle with Republican legislators, President Barack Obama today vowed to use all available powers bestowed upon the presidency to significantly reduce pork barrel spending. U.S. legislators have consistently used pet projects in their constituent areas as a negotiating tool in federal budget battles. The most memorable pork barrel projects were Alaska’s “Bridge to Nowhere,” and Boston’s Big Dig (Central Artery/Tunnel Project).

Asked by members of the White House Press Corps about specifics of his plan, President Obama said he will propose to Congress a new legislation that would limit the U.S. government’s importation of Ibérico pork. The Ibérico pig is an indigenous species that is only found in the Iberian peninsula. The superb quality of the meat from the Ibérico pig is brought about by the climate, its freedom to roam outdoors and its diet. It is often fed on acorns which gives the meat its wonderful nutty flavor. The price of Ibérico pork commands a very high price in the world market, costing as much as $100 per pound, or approximately $20,000 per barrel. The U.S. Department of Agriculture did not return calls from The Adobo Chronicles seeking information on how many barrels of the pork the country imports each year from Spain.

Apparently, only Ibérico pork is served in the basement cafeterias of the Senate and House of Representatives Buildings on Capitol Hill, as well as during state banquets hosted by the White House. President Obama urged Congress to swiftly pass his proposed legislation cutting down on pork barrel importation. “I am confident we can pass this legislation in a bi-partisan manner,” the President added.

Politics

REPUBLICAN-CONTROLLED HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES MAKES A SWEEPING CHANGE TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY

July 1, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Washington, D.C. – In what was considered worse than a filibuster, the Republican-controlled U.S. House of Representatives, whose Tea Party-identified members earlier maneuvered to convene a special last- minute session last night that lasted till 12:01 a.m., passed sweeping legislation that critics say is tantamount to “defacing the statue of Liberty and all that it stands for.”

The hastily-convened session was the House Republicans’ response to last week’s bi-partisan passage of Senate Bill 744 on Comprehensive Immigration Reform that establishes a path to citizenship for this country’s estimated 11 Million undocumented immigrants while taking steps to secure the U.S. border.

“The Senate Bill is DOA (dead on arrival) at the House of Representatives,” Speaker John Boehner said after the Senate passed the bill 68 to 32.

The House bill contained an order for the National Park Service to replace the historic plaque beneath the 127 year-old statue of Liberty on Ellis Island. The plaque, as millions of visitors to the iconic monument are very familiar with, contains a poem written by poet Emma Lazarus. The opening of the poem, “The New Colossus,” refers to the Collosus of Rhodes, an ancient statue of a Greek titan. But Lazarus then refers to the statue which “shall” stand as a “mighty woman with a torch” and the “Mother of Exiles.”

Later in the sonnet are the lines which eventually became iconic:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

The legislative order gives the National Park Service 7 business days from the passing of the House Bill to replace the plaque with new lines, as follows:

“Give me your doctors, your nurses, your artists, Your scientists, your computer geeks,
Send these, who have the money to invest, Those with Ph.D.’s and Masters degrees, the best and brightest of your European shores,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door, but only for those I mention above!”

An amendment to the “new poem,” and later adopted as part of the approved bill, was authored by Minnesota’s Michelle Bachmann. The addition reads:

“Let it be known that I have no tolerance for sexual deviants nor any interest in reuniting families, especially if they come from the continents of color.”

Asked at a press briefing following the bill’s passage why the legislators didn’t bother to amend the first part of Lazarus’ poem, Bachmann said, “there was an overwhelming agreement that the first part of the original poem, accurately represents Congress’ ancient thinking, so we let it stand.”

As to the question on how the bill will help secure the U.S. borders, Bachmann said that there is a provision in the bill that seeks to build fish pens around Ellis Island and the rest of the New York harbor.