Moscow, Russia – The government of Vladimir Putin has offered Arizona full statehood in Russia. If Arizona accepts, it will become a recognized federal subject, the equivalent of states in the U.S.
Putin sent the offer in a message to Arizona Governor Jan Brewer after he learned that S.B. 1062 passed the Arizona Legislature and is now awaiting the Republican governor’s signature. The bill makes it legal for Arizona businesses to refuse service to gay men and women if it is not consistent with their religious beliefs. Russia has its own law, passed last year, that makes public display of homosexuality a crime – a law that had come under fire even as recent as the just-concluded Winter Olympics in Sochi.
Putin promised Brewer that the full expanse of Arizona will be “relocated” to a deserted area in Northern Russia (see map).
Upon learning of the Russian offer to Arizona, the U.S. State Department sent a draft revised map of the U.S. to the White House, showing what 49 states would look like. The State Department is recommending that the former spot occupied by Arizona be assigned to one of the territories or countries that have expressed some desire to join the Union, among them, Puerto Rico, Guam and the Philippines.
Sochi, Russia – Yesterday’s U.S. loss to Canada in Women’s Ice Hockey at the Sochi Winter Olympics was, to say the least, devastating to Americans. Today, there is another opportunity for Americans to prove to the world – and to Canadians – who the real Hockey king is. The U.S. faces Canada in the Men’s Hockey semi- finals.
All Olympic athletes and all countries represented in Sochi have one ultimate goal in mind: the gold medal. But not for the U.S. or Canada. Either country wants to beat the other, but for a different reason: the loser gets to keep Justin Bieber.
With yesterday’s loss in the women’s competition, Bieber gets to stay in the U.S. The American Men’s Hockey team has the chance to reverse that today by defeating Canada and send Bieber packing his bags and back to his native country.
Moscow, Russia – Though General Motors will soon make Chevy cars a thing of the past in Europe, the American automaker is committed to advancing the Chevy brand in Russia and other former Soviet countries. Or, maybe not. At least not in Russia.
The government of President Valdimir Putin has decreed to permanently ban the sale of Chevy cars in Russia following the airing of a Chevy television commercial during the Sochi Winter Olympics telecast. The Chevy ad features a segment showing a marriage ceremony between two gay men. Russia has existing laws prohibiting the public display of homosexuality, but General Motors sneaked in the gay segment in its car commercial. It may have well been a marketing strategy gone awry.
Now GM will have to find a new market for its Chevy cars elsewhere outside of Russia. Informed sources have secretly indicated to The Adobo Chronicles that GM may auction off its fleet of Chevy cars now parked at Russian dealerships for half price in Central and Southeast Asia.