Atlanta Georgia – In its desperate attempt to solve the mystery of the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, CNN has finally found its niche, and has decided to rename the network, once considered the leader in 24-hour cable news.
No other television news network has dared to espouse its own theories about what happened to the doomed flight from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing. CNN had too much air time to fill with little to no information to go by, so its anchors and experts speculated on their own, saying that “God may have stolen the missing plane,” and used unconventional visual aids — like a toy plane — to make their case. In a recent news segment anchored by Don Lemon, CNN gathered a powerball group of experts (see photo) to try to lend credibility to its latest theory: the plane was swallowed by a black hole.
Since the network began its 24-hour coverage of Flight 370, CNN executives said that viewership has increased by more than 100%, and they attributed it to the unconventional treatment of this mystery by its anchors and experts.
As of March 21, CNN’s new name will be CTNN – Cable Tabloid News Network.
Plane was found intact inside the CNN studios in Atlanta, Georgia, USA. Press conference scheduled for 9pm Eastern. Stay tuned.
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