Tag Archives: Ebola Czar

OBAMA APPOINTS RON KLAIN MEASLES CZAR

Klain: from Ebola Czar to Measles Czar (Photo credit: Getty Images)
Klain: from Ebola Czar to Measles Czar (Photo credit: Getty Images)

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) –  Ron Klain, the Democratic power broker and Washington attorney appointed by President Barack Obama in October to manage the America’s response to its isolated Ebola outbreaks, is set to leave his newly created job on March 1.

Klain was appointed in October 17 last year as the Centers for Disease Control and other government agencies grappled to contain the public’s jitters over several Ebola infection cases. He is set to return to his previous job in the private sector.

Not so fast.

In an announcement today that suprised many, Klain included, The White House said Obama is appointing the Ebola Czar as the new Measles Czar.  The action came in the wake of the recent outbreak of measles cases, largely traced to the Disneyland theme park in Southern California.

Once thought to have been eliminated in the U.S., the highly contagious disease is back with a vengeance, thanks to world travel and the growing movement against vaccinations in the U.S.

Dozens of confirmed measles cases have been reported in recent weeks.  In contrast, one can count confirmed Ebola cases in the U.S. with less than five fingers,  with only one recorded death from the virus.

In an interview with Klain, the lawyer informed The Adobo Chronicles that he was inclined to accept the nomination primarily to make up for the salary he received doing practically nothing as the country’s Ebola Czar. “This would be a great way to give back,” Klain said of his new nomination.

All’s well that ends well.

AMBER ALERT ISSUED! EBOLA CZAR IS MISSING.

Klain
Klain

Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – The Amber Alert, a U.S. emergency response system, is exclusively designed to deal with child abduction cases. But for the first time, the Federal government has used the system and issued a missing person report for an adult — no less than President Barack Obama’s newly-appointed Ebola Czar.

Since Ron Klain officially started his job on October 22, he has not been seen or heard of. Even reporters at White House briefings have asked questions like: “What’s Ron Klain doing?” or “Is he accomplishing what he was appointed to do?”  or “What has he done?”  As for the visibly scared American public, the bigger question is : “Where is the Ebola Czar?”

White House press secretary Josh Earnest has explained repeatedly that Klain’s work would principally be “behind the scenes,” offering broad, bland descriptions of his work.

But national law enforcement agencies are not taking Earnest’s words in stride and have issued a national Amber Alert, asking Americans (and non-Americans) to help find Klain.  The public is advised to call their nearest police department if they have any sighting of Klain or someone who looks like Klain.

Although the Ebola scare perpetuated by politicians and the media have remained just that — a scare — the national government is not taking any chances in case Klain has been abducted by aliens or by Ebola ghosts.

OBAMA TAPS LAWYER TO SOLVE THE EBOLA CRISIS IN THE U.S.

Klain
Klain

Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – President Barack Obama has appointed a lawyer to help solve the impending Ebola crisis in the United States.

Appointed Ebola Czar was Ron Klain, a former chief of staff to both Vice President Joe Biden and former Vice President Al Gore.  He is now the president of Case Holdings and serves as the general counsel for Revolution, an investment organization.

Klain will report directly to White House National Security Adviser Susan Rice and the president’s Homeland Security Adviser Lisa Monaco. He is tasked with protecting Americans from the disease.

While there is not a single American who has died from Ebola, The White House said that the country needed the expertise of a lawyer to counter the misinformation and panic-mongering that have gripped the nation.  Politicians have made the non-existent Ebola crisis a battle cry going into the mid-term elections, while media companies have enjoyed a huge jump in their ratings as a result of their misinformed coverage of Ebola in the U.S.

“Only a lawyer can effectively do the job of a czar, because it involves the creation of fictional and scary scenarios that lawyers do so well in the courtroom,” The White House said.

Asked by reporters why Obama did not appoint a medical doctor to the position, White House officials said:  “We consider the crisis more rhetorical and political –rather than medical — hence the need for a lawyer.”

Klain was spotted at a tailoring shop in Washington, D.C., being fitted for a hazmat suit.