OBAMA TAPS LAWYER TO SOLVE THE EBOLA CRISIS IN THE U.S.

Klain
Klain

Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – President Barack Obama has appointed a lawyer to help solve the impending Ebola crisis in the United States.

Appointed Ebola Czar was Ron Klain, a former chief of staff to both Vice President Joe Biden and former Vice President Al Gore.  He is now the president of Case Holdings and serves as the general counsel for Revolution, an investment organization.

Klain will report directly to White House National Security Adviser Susan Rice and the president’s Homeland Security Adviser Lisa Monaco. He is tasked with protecting Americans from the disease.

While there is not a single American who has died from Ebola, The White House said that the country needed the expertise of a lawyer to counter the misinformation and panic-mongering that have gripped the nation.  Politicians have made the non-existent Ebola crisis a battle cry going into the mid-term elections, while media companies have enjoyed a huge jump in their ratings as a result of their misinformed coverage of Ebola in the U.S.

“Only a lawyer can effectively do the job of a czar, because it involves the creation of fictional and scary scenarios that lawyers do so well in the courtroom,” The White House said.

Asked by reporters why Obama did not appoint a medical doctor to the position, White House officials said:  “We consider the crisis more rhetorical and political –rather than medical — hence the need for a lawyer.”

Klain was spotted at a tailoring shop in Washington, D.C., being fitted for a hazmat suit.

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