Category Archives: Business

USPS’ ANSWER TO AMAZON’S DRONE DELIVERY: ‘RABBIT EXPRESS’

December 3, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Washington, DC – The big news this week was Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ announcement that the future of package delivery would be the unmanned drone. It has generated both jitters and excitement in government circles and the business community because of its impact on airspace security and potential for crime as well as the efficiency of the shipping industry.

Today, the United States Postal Service (USPS) announced its response to Amazon’s drone delivery. It is calling it the Rabbit Express, not to be confused with the bus service to and from New York City.

For many years now, USPS has been plaqued with financial problems due to competition from shipping services like UPS and FedEx as well as the ease and popularity of emails versus postal delivery.

Unknown to many, USPS has been developing a new delivery service that would be faster and cheaper than all the services it currently offers while eliminating the need for mail delivery (human) personnel.

Classified documents obtained by The Adobo Chronicles revealed that USPS has been training herds and herds of rabbits which, with the aid of computer chips, could deliver letters and flat envelopes to addresses within a 50-mile radius of post offices in less than 20 minutes. The documents showed that the cost of the Rabbit Express would be 50% less than what USPS now charges for flat-rate priority mail. The secret training farm is located somewhere in Arizona.

If it fits the size and weight of the rabbit, it ships!

Business, International, Law Enforcement, Politics, Sports

MILLIONS OF DOLLARS POUR IN FOR PACQUIAO RELIEF

November 27, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Sarangani, Philippines – While the Filipino people were still celebrating Manny Pacquiao’s victory over American Brandon Rios in last Saturday’s title fight in Macau, China, the Pinoy boxing champ has already set foot in the Haiyan typhoon-ravaged region of the Philippines, ready to personally provide relief to calamity victims using his own funds.

There was one problem. A Philippine court has frozen billions of pesos in Pacquiao’s bank accounts. The reason: the Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR), the Philippine counterpart of the U.S. Internal Revenue Service (IRS), wants to see the original receipts to prove that the boxer paid taxes on his prize earnings.

The BIR, which has the distinct honor of consistently being voted the most corrupt government entity in the Philippines, seems to believe that the IRS issues “original receipts” for paid or withheld taxes like the ones customers get when they purchase items from a grocery store.

Both HBO and boxing promoter Top Rank have indicated that taxes were duly withheld from payments made to Pacquiao and subsequently electronically remitted to the IRS. But a statement from the BIR said, ” Well, we haven’t had our share of the pie.”

Upon learning of Pacquiao’s predicament, international fans of the boxer — individuals and companies alike — immediately set up a special relief fund for the boxer so that he can fulfill a promise he made earlier to personally help those affected by the super typhoon. As of this writing, the Manny Pacquaio Relief Fund has raised Two Million Dollars which is equivalent to over Eighty Million Philippine pesos. Offcials at the BIR are reportedly fuming because by law, they cannot touch a single centavo of funds designated for relief.

Double taxation has made a double champion of Pacquiao!

Business, Food, International, Politics

PHILIPPINE DEPARTMENT OF TRADE AND INDUSTRY AWARDED SPECIAL HUMANITARIAN PRIZE

November 26, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Oslo, Norway – A special Nobel Prize was announced today by the board of governors of this annual international award-giving body. The recipient: the Philippines’ Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) . This once-in-a-blue-moon award is given to an individual or entity that comes up with and implements an above par humanitarian idea leading to the relief of citizens and countries in need, especially those affected by severe natural disasters.

The only other time the special humanitarian prize was awarded was in 1913 – exactly 100 years ago — but no record exists on who received that award. The very first Nobel awards were given out in 1901. It is believed that an intern working for the Nobel organization in 1913 misplaced the records.

DTI was awarded the humanitarian prize for its brilliant idea to help Filipinos in many provinces in Central Philippines who were left homeless and hungry in the aftermath of the strongest typhoon ever to make landfall anywhere in history. Billed “Diskwento Caravan” (Discount Caravan), the DTI project offered basic goods at discounted prices, including bottled water, canned goods, coffee, milk, noodles, rice, biscuits, bread, condiments and personal care products. DTI regional director for Central Visayas Asteria Caberte said that through the caravans, the department is helping replenish local supply of goods to stabilize the situation in those provinces.

Asked by The Adobo Chronicles why there was a need to “sell” the goods to the typhoon victims when millions of cash and donated items have been pouring in from all over the world to help with typhoon relief, DTI said “We work independently from private relief agencies or the local governments. We are only concerned with our own project and it is in addition to what relief operations are already out there.” It added: “We are proud of what we’re doing to help our countrymen in need, while making a little money ourselves to boost our department’s discretionary funds.”

The special Nobel medal will be given out at a special ceremony in Oslo on Christmas eve.