U.S. COSMETIC COMPANIES SCRAMBLE TO GET HILLARY CLINTON’S ENDORSEMENT

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Silicon Valley, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – As part of a tour for her new book Hard Choices, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton treated the Internet to a Q&A while visiting some of the biggest companies in Silicon Valley.

One of the most talked-about questions  was: “What advice would you give to young women who are considering a career in politics/public service?”

Clinton responded by saying that women in the public arena should “grow skin as thick as the hide of a rhinoceros,” adding, “I have certainly, as you can tell, have had to learn how to do that.  There’s a lot of good moisturizers I can tell you about if you’re interested.”

Soon after, the former First Lady and presumptive 2016 presidential candidate received dozens of text messages from cosmetic companies asking if she would endorse their moisturizing products.  In return, the companies promised full financial backing for her presidential campaign.

Among those that contacted Clinton were manufacturers of the brands Olay, Avon, L’Oreal, Neutrogena, Nivea, Estee Lauder and Shiseido.

Clinton and her consultants are still reportedly studying the endorsement offers.  “We have some time between now and the start of the 2016 campaign season,” they said.

TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY VOLUNTEERS TO PATROL U.S.-MEXICO BORDER

Perry on his first day as volunteer border patrol officer
Perry on his first day as volunteer border patrol officer

Austin, Texas (The Adobo Chronicles) – Rick Perry is taking a leave of absence as governor of Texas to volunteer as a patrol officer along the U.S.- Mexico border.

In a press statement issued shortly before leaving his office to assume his volunteer duties, Perry said that he is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to send more troops to stop the increased border crossings of undocumented immigrants from South and Central America, including hundreds of unaccompanied children.

In a brilliant move that could earn him the Republican nomination for president in 2016, Perry’s last act before his leave of absence was to send 1,000 Texas national guard troops not only to patrol the border, but to protect him as he performs his volunteer work.

During Perry’s leave of absence, the lieutenant governor will assume the role of Texas governor. Staff of the governor’s office, however, couldn’t exactly remember who the current Lt. Governor is, but at least they know his first name is David.

 

AMERICANS STUNNED TO LEARN THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA HAS A WHITE PRESS SECRETARY

white press secWashington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – Americans were stunned to learn today that its first Black president, Barack Obama has a white press secretary.

The revelation came in a photo released today by Business Insider, a US business and technology news website  based in New York City.  The photo showed press secretary Josh Earnest in a heated exchange with White House reporters over the issue of anonymous sources. The photo headline read, “White Press Secretary Faces Reporter Revolt After Criticizing Media At Briefing.”

“I always assumed that Obama’s press secretary was African American,” said an Obama supporter. “Reading today’s headline about the “White Press Secretary” came as a total shock to me.”

The White House declined to issue a statement saying that it does not comment on personnel issues.