Tag Archives: Featured

What Really Transpired Between God And President Duterte

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Photo credit: New York Times (video capture)

DAVAO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Even The New York Times has been had, reporting on the alleged conversation between God and Philippines President Rodrigo Roa Duterte during the latter’s return flight from his state visit to Japan.

Duterte said that he promised God that he would stop cussing after God threatened to take down the plane he was on.

But what really transpired between Duterte and the Almighty?

In The Adobo Chronicles’ exclusive interview with the president shortly after his plane landed in Davao City, he narrated his conversation with God:

GOD: Digong…

DUTERTE: P*tang Ina, you scared me!

GOD: Watch your mouth, I am not the Pope or President Obama.

DUTERTE: I’m very sorry, my God. How can I be of service to you?

GOD: You already are. Whatsoever you do to the least of your brethren, you also do to me.

DUTERTE: Ay, mabuti ka pa (you are much better)  you understand me, unlike the news media and the Human Rights groups, they keep criticizing my war on drugs.

GOD: I’m not talking about that. That would be for a later conversation you can have with St. Peter. At the gates of heaven.

Duterte: I look forward to leaving the gates of hell, as Dan Brown said of Manila in his book ‘Inferno.’

GOD: That’s fiction. What’s fact is that you are doing a hell of a job — I mean a heaven of a job — serving my people. I sent you to earth to serve the poor, downtrodden, victims of crime and corruption, the sick, the elderly, the imprisoned — including those inside the New Bilibid Prison.  By golly, you can be a saint!

DUTERTE: My God, with all due respect, please watch your mouth.

GOD: Ooops, I’m sorry. See, even I can apologize. Will you promise to apologize to those you have cursed?

DUTERTE: You mean those son-of-a….

GOD: Hey, hey

DUTERTE : (Inaudible)

GOD: Is there anything you’d like to ask me ?

DUTERTE: Yes, is it true that Cory Aquino is going to be the next Filipino saint?

GOD: No comment

(End of conversation)

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Tutorial: Riding The Philippine Jeepney

IMG_6705.PNGMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) –  This is a tutorial on how to ride the jeepney which is an important mode of mass transportation in many cities and towns in the Philippines.

Many of you may already be familiar with these rules, etiquette and tricks but for those who are visiting the country for the first time or are returning nationals (balikbayan) who have been away for a long time, you might want to keep this tutorial handy.

  • First of all, not all jeepneys you encounter are as colorful, shiny and clean as the one pictured here.
  • If you are bothered by smoke or the smell of gasoline, remember to always carry and wear a disposable surgical mask. It also helps with, you know, body odor.
  • In most cases, there are no jeepney stops like there are bus stops.  Wherever you are, be rest assured that so long as there is room for one more passsenger, the jeepney will stop for you.
  • Speaking of room, when the driver says the capacity of his jeepney is 10 passengers on either side, you can’t argue. Ten means ten, even if only half your butt sits comfortably on the padded seat.
  • Only cash payment is accepted, but you probably already know that.  Exact fare is appreciated but Mr. Driver is happy to provide change except very early in the day. “Barya lang po sa umaga!” No five hundred peso bills in the morning, please.
  • Jeepney fare is passed on from one passenger to another until it reaches the driver.  The same is true for any change back due the passenger. It takes a village to ride the jeepney you know.
  • If you don’t want to be bothered by other passengers asking you to pass on the fare to the driver, sit as far as possible from the driver, assuming that premium spot is vacant.
  • The jeepney driver would appreciate it so much if you pay your fare before you start texting on your mobile phone. “God knows who doesn’t pay,” says one jeepney sign.
  • There are two phrases you need to learn when riding the jeepney: “Bayad po” (here’s my fare) and “Para po” (this is my stop).
  • If you don’t speak the language, no worries. Just pass on your fare to the passenger next to you and he or she will know what to do.  And if you need to disembark, just knock on the jeepney’s roof. It also means “please stop.”
  • There are discounted fares for students and seniors.  Be sure to say “one senior” or “one student” when paying your fare. Otherwise, you pay full fare.
  • Filipinos have learned to respect seniors and people with disabilities.  The spot closest to the jeepney entrance (farthest from the driver) is reserved for them. Isn’t that nice?
  • As always, hold on to the hand rails.  It can be a very bumpy ride.

CHINA LAYS CLAIM OVER MANILA’S CHINATOWN

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Manila’s Chinatown

BINONDO, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Apparently not content with its claim over the disputed territory in the South China Sea, the Chinese government today announced it was laying claim over the oldest Chinatown in the world — in Manila!

Manila’s Chinatown, located in and around the Binondo district, was established in the late 1500s. It was built by the Spaniards as a settlement for Catholic Chinese, and was positioned across the Pasig River so that the colonial rulers could keep a close eye on their migrant subjects.  To this day, it continues to be a center of commerce and trade in Manila where all types of businesses are run by Filipinos of Chinese ancestry.

Almost a quarter of the Philippines’ 100 Million population are of Chinese descent, and China is demanding loyalty from them.

The administration of Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino immediately protested the Chinese announcement, saying “China cannot just kidnap 25 percent of our population. What are they planning to do? Build a wall around Binondo and make our Chinatown their overseas seat of government?”

Aquino called U.S. President Barack Obama at 3 a.m. Monday morning (U.S. East Coast time) to report the latest move by the Chinese government.

The U.S. and the Philippines have a mutual defense agreement which provides for the use of Philippine bases by American military forces.  In exchange, the Americans are training the Filipinos on military combat and providing military equipment to help the Philippines defend itself against foreign aggressors.

Unfortunately, Obama was out of the country attending a summit meeting of the G7 nations.