JUSTIN BIEBER DENIED RE-ENTRY INTO THE U.S.

bieberDetroit-Windsor Tunnel – While the Twitter world was abuzz with ignorant and racist comments about singer Marc Anthony singing “God Bless America” at this week’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game  in New York City, something else was going on at the U.S.-Canada border in Detroit, Michigan.

Pop singer Justin Bieber was barred from reentering the United States after spending the night at a downtown Windsor hotel where the teenage idol hosted a lavish but roudy party for some childhood Canadian friends.  Bieber, who is a Canadian citizen, was denied re-entry by border patrol agents after they ran his passport through the document scanner.  The attending agent was aghast when the scan pulled up a long list of misdemeanors attributed to the singer.  The list included a link to the video showing Bieber peeing into a restaurant mop bucket in New York, during which he also sprayed a photo of President Bill Clinton with a cleaning liquid while shouting “F**k Bill Clinton! ” The list also included a Twitter meltdown, erratic driving, illegal drugs found on his tour bus and failure to pay a $1,600 bill he owed an indoor skydiving facility.

The border patrol agent, after consultation with the U.S. border supervisor, stamped Bieber’s passport with a bright pink marking that read “DENIED ENTRY.”  Bieber, who was driving a red lamborghini with a special Michigan license plate that bore the letters “IMGOD,” was then asked to turn around and proceed back to Windsor. The U.S. border supervisor told The Adobo Chronicles that the decision to deny Bieber entry into the U.S. was based on discretionary decisions which he is empowered to make under the Department of Homeland Security’s border guidelines and operating procedures.  He added that with the long list of misdemeanors attributed to Bieber, it is clear that the singer had no respect for U.S. laws and is an obvious  threat to the peace, security and sanity of America.

While Bieber’s attorneys are preparing an appeal letter to Homeland Security, the singer accepted a last-minute invitation to sing “O Canada” at the opening of an all-star basketball game scheduled for Saturday at the Rogers Arena in downtown Vancouver.  News of the invitation angered many Canadians who mistakenly  thought Bieber was American.

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LENSCRAFTERS OFFERS SNOWDEN A MODELING JOB

imageMason, Ohio – LensCrafters, the nationwide eyeglass chain known for its mantra of “glasses in an hour,” has offered Edward Snowden, the fugitive former employee of a contractor for the National Security Administration who leaked secret damaging documents to the media, a job as an eyeglass model.  The Ohio-based company was apparently mesmerized by the photos of Snowden that have appeared in the media worldwide, showing Snowden sporting a stylish pair of eyglasses.

“His good looks with those glasses would make him the perfect eyeglass model for our company,” a spokesperson for LensCrafters told reporters today.

LensCrafters has offered Snowden a deal that would be hard to resist.  The company will pay for his first-class airfare from Moscow to Ohio, shoulder all his legal expenses that may result from the espionage charges the U.S. government is preparing to file in court upon his return to  the U.S. , and a salary as an eyeglass model that’s twice the compensation he was receiving at the NSA contractor company which fired him.

Snowden said he was seriously thinking about the offer and will make a decision in the next 24 hours.  He said he will sleep over it on his sleeping bag at the Moscow  airport and will have an announcement about the offer by 9am, Moscow time, right after he has had his cup of Starbucks coffee.

PEOPLE MAGAZINE TO REVEAL TOP CHOICE FOR 2013 SEXIEST MAN ALIVE

imageSan Francisco, California – People Magazine has reportedly narrowed down to 2  its top picks to grace its much-awaited November issue on the 2013 “Sexiest Man Alive.”  Thanks to audio tapes released by an anonymous summer intern at the National Security Administration, the magazine’s choices reached the news desk of The Adobo Chronicles this morning. Many will recall that the NSA had admitted monitoring phone calls of journalists, and that included conversations among the top editors of People.  Our sources revealed that the editors are really having a hard time deciding on its No. 1 pick.

imageFor the first time in the history of the annual special issue, the top contenders are a Brit and a Pinoy (slang for Filipino).

Who will it be? Prince Harry of Britain’s Royal Family or Dennis Trillo, the most talked-about television actor in the Philippines today.

Harry, 28, is best remembered for his Las Vegas hotel video in August of 2012, prancing around naked with some ladies he had invited to his hotel room.  That incident reportedly generated billions of dollars in free publicity for the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors’ Bureau, but it also killed the popular notion that “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”  Dennis, 32, considered by the elite Filipino American gay community in the San Francisco Bay Area, as the most beautiful face on Philippine television today,  plays a gay character in the much-talked about television series, “My Husband’s Lover.”  This is a highly-controversial show which the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines had tried many times, but failed, to stop airing.  Dennis plays the lover of a closeted gay man who is married with two kids.

People’s editors are reportedly considering putting their dilemma to a popular world-wide Internet vote.

Meanwhile, Queen Elizabeth, taking a tea break from a Royal birth watch at a London hospital – where Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge are expecting their firstborn — told reporters that if Dennis Trillo wins over her grandson, she will graciously confer honorary knighthood to the Filipino actor.

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