All posts by Pol Pinoy

Proposed Baguio City Ordinance: No Gossiping Unless Juicy, No Bikini Underwear To Dry In Public

BAGUIO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Baguio Bureau) – Late last year, the Baguio City government approved an ordinance banning cussing in public.  Now Barangays in the city want to take  the law a step further:  they want to ban gossiping and hanging underwear to dry in public view.

But Barangay officials in Upper Quarry clarified that they would only like to ban gossip that’s not juicy.  Anyone charged with gossiping must prove in court that the gossip has the elements of intrigue  and malice.  Otherwise, he or she will be penalized with fine and imprisonment.

Officials of Holy Ghost Barangay, on the other hand, told The Adobo Chronicles that they don’t want to ban all underwear from being hung to dry in public. “We only want to ban bikini-type underwear because they are a threat to the morals of our youth,” a Barangay Councilman said.

So, when in the summer capital of the Philippines,  watch your morals.  No cussing, no gossiping, and no public display of wet underwear.

 

Netizens Have Spoken: They Consider Rappler To Be Fake News

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) –  In a nationwide poll conducted by The Adobo Chronicles, netizens overwhelmingly said they consider Maria Ressa’s Rappler as fake news. Make that unanimously.

The poll asked respondents to vote on whether they would consider Rappler to be fake news, or fake news.

On the first day of the 6-day poll, 573 said Rappler was fake news, and 154 said it was fake news as well, for an aggregate total of 100%.

We tried to reach Ressa for comment, but we were told by her personal assistant that she was busy fundraising for legal fees  she expects to cough up in connection with her tax evasion case, as well as for the survivial of her online news portal.

 

 

This Conversation Happened Before St. Peter Sent Duterte Back To Earth

San Pedro:  Welcome to the gates of heaven.

Digong: Daghang salamat. This is quite a change from  the gates of hell where I came from.

San Pedro:  I see that you’ve read Dan Brown’s ‘Inferno.’

Digong:  But I’m not really from Manila.  I’m from Davao.  The people there love me because I’ve transformed the city into a paradise.

San Pedro: That’s what I heard.  So, tell me why I should let you in.

Digong:  Well, I cleaned up Boracay Island.  

San Pedro: That’s good.

Digong:  I cleaned up Manila Bay.

San Pedro: Awesome.

Digong: I cleaned up my government from corruption.

San Pedro: Impressive.

Digong: I frequently joke about women and rape.

San Pedro: Hmmm.

Digong: I cursed the Pope.

San Pedro: Hmmmm.

Digong: I cursed Barack Obama

San Pedro: Hmmm.

Digong: I called God a stupid god

San Pedro: Whoa!

Digong: I killed drug dealers and addicts who resisted arrest.

San Pedro: Stop right there.  I think you need to clean up your act.  Go to hell.

Digong: You’re handing me over to Satan?

San Pedro: No, no! What I mean is go back to Manila.

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