Monthly Archives: May 2019

International, News Satire, Politics, Travel

BREAKING: Visas of Leni Robredo, Antonio Trillanes Cancelled!

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MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Philippines Vice President Leni Robredo and Senator Antonio Trillanes have had the luxury of traveling to other countries for speaking engagements and for personal reasons. But now, both face some challenges.  Their Visas have been cancelled!

Unvetted sources tell The Adobo Chronicles that the Visa cards of Robredo and Trillanes, ending in xxxx1234 and xxxx6666, respectively, were compromised. Visa cancelled their credit cards to prevent further unauthorized or fraudulent use.

But no worries, both still have their MastetCard and American Express cards, so the traveling continues unabated.

 

Awards, Politics, Social Media

Mix-up: Maria Ressa Receives Award From Colombia, Not Columbia University

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NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, New York Bureau) – It was a big misunderstanding. Rappler CEO Maria Ressa arrived at Columbia University in New York City to receive yet another award for her supposed journalistic skills and advocacy, particularly for standing up to what she is calling a “dictator” in Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte.

But alas, Ressa misread the award letter. It was from the Universidad Nacional de Colombia (National University of Colombia) in Bogota.  The South American  school awarded Ressa a Courage Award for her and her online outfit’s coverage of Duterte’s war on drugs.

Luckily for Ressa, the Dean of the Journalism School at Columbia — fellow anti-Dutertard Sheila Coronel — is a very good friend. So Coronel let Ressa address the 2019 graduates of the school. Just to save face.

Meanwhile, in Bogota, the Colombia University gave Ressa the award in absencia.

All’s well thta ends well!

Government, Politics

Paolo Duterte Wants To Summon Senator Trillanes To A Congressional Hearing

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DAVAO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Davao Bureau) – The tables are turned! Who could forget tht encounter between Senator Antonio Trillanes and Davao City Vice Mayor and Presidential son Paolo Duterte in the halls of the Senate?

In that encounter, Trillanes asked Duterte to take his shirt off to prove that he has no dragon tattoo on his back, believed to be a mark of a drug syndicate member. Duterte refused of course.

Now,  Duterte, elected Representative of the first legislative district of Davao, wants to return the favor to Trillanes whom he wants summoned to a Congressional hearing on the Bikoy video which now implicates the Senator.

“My sources tell me that Trillanes has a drug syndicate tattoo on his left thigh. When we meet again, I will ask Trillanes to take his pants off to prove the tattoo allegation false,” Duterte told The Adobo Chronicles.

Bring out the popcorn. Or tikoy. Or biko.