MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Philstar has just published a citizen guide on what to do if ever one is arrested by police under the Duterte Administration’s crackdown on tambays.

As a public service to its readers and followers, The Adobo Chronicles has put together its own advisory.  Please help spread the word.

• Everyone is entitled to an attorney.  If picked up by police for tambaying (the new term for Noynoying), ask to speak to your attorney.  If police ask for the name of your attorney, tell them her name is Atty. Leni Robredo.  Or Atty. Lourdes Sereno.
• DO NOT RESIST ARREST.  Stay calm and give the arresting office a high five.
• If asked why you are half-naked, tell the officer that you only have one shirt and it is still drying in the sampayan.
• YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. You do not have to answer any questions by the police without the presence of an attorney.  Just smile.  If the police officer is good-looking, give him or her a wink.
• If the police officer tries to handcuff you, tell him or her that you’re allergic to metal.
• If the police officer handcuffs you in plastic, tell him or her that you’re allergic to plastic as well.
• BE HUMBLE, NOT HAMBOG.  Calmly ask the officer for forgiveness in the hope that he or she will just give you a verbal warning.  If he or she lets you go, thank him or her and make the sign of the cross. (If the officer is cute, ask for his or her phone number.  You never know this could be the start of a great friendship or romantic relationship.)
• If all else fails, shout “Darna!” and fly out of there instantly.