ELLO GOES VIRAL, THE WRONG ELLO THAT IS

IMG_5501San Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Everyone seems to be talking about Ello, the new, invite-only and ad-free social networking site that is making Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg really really nervous.

Ello was created by a group of seven well-known artists and programmers as a simple, beautiful, and ad-free place to share artwork and connect with friends from around the world.

In its ‘About’ page, the founders state: “We built Ello because virtually all the other social networks were cluttered, ugly, and full of ads. We began to feel manipulated by the networks themselves — many of our posts were never seen by our friends at all, because ads had taken priority.We came to realize that a social network that has ads is a social network created for advertisers, not for people. Every move we made was tracked and recorded, and every post we made was read and sold to other companies so they could show us more ads. It wasn’t fun any more.”

Although still in its beta (trial) stage, Ello has already gone viral.

Alas, it is the wrong Ello. As millions of excited netizens googled the new site, something else kept coming up: an obscure nutritional products company with the same name, based in Monroe, Michigan. Owners of the Ello Corporation couldn’t be any happier with their free advertising.IMG_5499

The founders of Ello, the social networking site, blamed the situation on Apple iOS 8’s autofill feature.  When people type Ello.co (which is the correct URL) for the site , autofill adds ‘m’ thinking that they are searching for Ello.com, which is the URL for the Michigan nutritional company.

SEATTLE-BASED PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANY FACES WORLDWIDE PROTEST FOR NEW ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION DRUG INVOLVING HORNY GOAT

Hausziege_04Seattle, Washington (The Adobo Chronicles) – During ancient times in Syria, goats were covered with silver necklaces and left open out in the city on the king’s wedding. It is believed that they carry evils with them. Certain communities like Silenus and the Fauns had part of their  bodies shaped like goat. In Africa people have goat as their primary divinity. In Greece and Egypt, goats are worshipped in goat and phallic form.

It is therefore no surprise that when a biotech company announced that it was developing a new drug to treat erectile dysfunction using horny goat, it was met with worldwide criticism and protest. The company, Plandaí Biotechnology, Inc. said it will begin testing and developing a new drug whose primary active ingredient is icariin, extracted from horny goat. It is similar to the active ingredient in another E.D. drug, Viagra.

Pickets were scheduled this week in front of the company’s headquarters in Seattle as well as its offices in Europe.

A spokesperson for Plandaí told The Adobo Chronicles that it was all a big misunderstanding and acknowledged that its marketing department did not do a good job in promoting the potential new drug.

“Icariin is an extract from the plant Epidemium which is also called horny goat weed. It is a phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitor similar to sildenafil,  the active ingredient in Viagra,” he said.

He added: “Besides, how on earth would we be able to determine if a goat (referring to the animal) is horny or not?”

Controversy solved.

PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT AQUINO CAUSES TRAFFIC NIGHTMARE IN SAN FRANCISCO’S HAIGHT-ASHBURY

Aquino at the Haight, left, with his entourage of SFPD motorcycle cops
Aquino at the Haight, left, with his entourage of SFPD motorcycle cops

San Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino, on his last U.S. stop before returning to Manila after attending the U.N. Summit on Climate Change, decided he wanted a hamburger. Not a Jollibee burger. A McDonald’s burger.

He chose the McDonald’s store in San Francisco’s famous Haight-Ashbury district, home to beads, bangles, psychedelic t-shirts, flower power and weed.

Because he is a head of state, the San Francisco Police Department provided a whole battalion of motorcycle cops to escort Aquino as he and his entourage navigated the narrow streets of the Haight. Streets and alleys surrounding McDonald’s were blocked causing a nightmarish traffic jam and lots of frayed nerves among motorists.

The Adobo Chronicles caught up with Aquino as he went into the nearby Amoeba bookstore to browse some jazz CDs. Informed about the traffic mess he had created, Aquino dismissed the criticism, saying that much worse traffic is a daily occurrence in his country, especially in Metro Manila.  “San Franciscans should just shut the f**k up when they experience a little standstill in the streets,” he said.

Asked why he chose to eat at McDonald’s instead of the Filipino fast food joint Jollibee, Aquino said he already eats Jollibee chicken joy and sweet spaghetti every day in Manila. “I wanted to try an authentic American burger.” When told there are McDonald’s stores in the Philippines, Aquino said, “Really? I had no clue!”