ANOTHER TOP HONOR FOR THE PHILIPPINES!

imageManila, Philippines – The Philippines is known internationally for a few things: beauty queens, singers, boxers and corrupt politicians – not to mention a few spots in the Guinness Book of World Records.

This country of 100 Million people has just earned another feather to its cap: it has just been named the third top country in alcohol consumption, next only to South Korea and Russia.

Well, between Filipino favorites lambanog (coconut wine) and San Miguel Beer, this honor comes as no surprise.

So, “Mag-beer muna tayo!” (Let’s go ahead and have some beer).

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YEAR OF THE HORSE POSTPONED TILL 2015

imageEast Rutherford, New Jersey – The Denver Broncos thought they had it in the bag, until their devastating Sunday night loss to the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl 48. After all, 2014 is the Year of the Horse.

But the Broncos’ stallion mascot did nothing to help them bag the championship trophy.

If it is any consolation to Broncos fans, the coalition of lunar calendar-adhering countries has unanimously agreed to postpone the “Year of the Horse” as a way of empathizing with Denver.

A decision will be made tomorrow on whether to extend the 2013 Year  of the Snake or to acelerate the 2015 Year of the Goat.

WORLD’S FIRST ‘GAYDAR’ TO DEBUT AT SOCHI WINTER OLYMPICS

The Iceberg Skating Palace in Sochi, Russia
The Iceberg Skating Palace in Sochi, Russia

Sochi, Russia – When the figure skating competitions begin a day before the actual Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, athletes and spectators will go through what may seem like security metal detectors. But lo and behold, they are actually ‘gaydars.”

These special detectors, the first if its kind in the world, will be installed at all entrances to the  Iceberg Skating Palace, the 12,000-seat venue of the ice skating competitions.

Everyone knows by now that Russia has strict anti-gay laws in place, prohibiting any public display of homosexuality.  While the Putin government has said that no foreigner will be arrested under these laws during the duration of the winter games, it is nevertheless taking extreme measures to discourage public display of homosexuality.

The gaydar technology, developed in China by Apple, will detect even the slightest trace of gayness by scanning the retina of the eyes and flagging any abnormal flickering of the fingers.

Russian officials said that any athlete or spectator who fails the high-tech test will be denied enty into the competitions.  It wasn’t clear if the figure skating competitors are exempted from the screening. “I think the skaters will be exempted,” said one official, “otherwise we might not have any competition to watch if  any of the skaters are banned from the skating arena.”

The men’s short program kicks off the figure skating competitions on February 6 and the Opening Ceremonies will be held February 7.

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