CONFESSION? THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT; OPPOSED BY PHILIPPINE BISHOPS

confessionCupertino, California – Last week, The Adobo Chronicles reported that The Vatican confessionals were being overwhelmed by women and gay Catholics as a result of the 2014 Vatican Priests calendar which features the best-looking  Catholic priests in Rome.

Now, thanks to an iPhone app, the number of Catholics going to confession has dramatically increased in the final week before Christmas — no priests needed, at least not during the digital part of the confession.  The app is called “Confession: A Roman Catholic App.” Designed to be used in the confessional, this app is the perfect aid for every penitent. With a personalized examination of conscience for each user, password protected profiles, and a step-by-step guide to the sacrament, this app invites Catholics to prayerfully prepare for and participate in the Rite of Penance.

The text of this app was developed in collaboration with Rev. Thomas G. Weinandy, OFM, Executive Director of the Secretariat for Doctrine and Pastoral Practices of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, and Rev. Daniel Scheidt, pastor of Queen of Peace Catholic Church in Mishawaka, IN. The app received an imprimatur from Bishop Kevin C. Rhodes of the Diocese of Fort Wayne. It is the first known imprimatur to be given for an iPhone/iPad app.  The features include:

– Custom examination of Conscience based upon age, sex, and vocation (single, married, priest, or religious)
– Multiple user support with password protected accounts
– Ability to add sins not listed in standard examination of conscience
– Confession walkthrough including time of last confession in days, weeks, months, and years
– Choose from 7 different acts of contrition
– Custom interface for iPad
– Full retina display support

While the app has gained popularity in the U.S., Europe and Latin America, the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) has publicly and vehemently rejected its use in the Philippines, admonishing the country’s estimated 75 Million followers to keep the tradition of confessing “in person.”  Pressed on by reporters, CBCP admitted that its main objection to the app was that it would lead to a significant decline in church attendance  which would also mean a sharp decrease in church revenue from the collection basket.

The CBCP is listed among the top investors  in the Philippine Stock Exchange.  A decrease in revenue would have a negative impact on the church’s investment portfolio.

SARAH PALIN’S ‘MAHALO’ MOMENT AT WAIKIKI BEACH

Trash bins at a Waikiki restaurant marked "Mahalo"
Trash bins at a Waikiki restaurant marked “Mahalo”

Honolulu, Hawaii (Exclusive to The Adobo Chronicles) -Hawaii  seems to be the favorite go-to place for celebrities and politicians, especially during the winter.  Even former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin wanted to escape the freezing temperatures of her native Alaska and is spending the next couple weeks in the sunny, white sandy beaches of Waikiki.  Her visit is purely a personal vacation, and she has refused to grant interviews with the local media.

However, one of the reporters of The Adobo Chronicles caught up with the ex-governor at Queen’s Surf  Beach while she was laying on a straw mat she bought from a nearby ABC Store.  Our reporter asked Ms. Palin if there was any truth to the rumor that she flew to and landed in South Korea last week thinking that she was going to attend the Nelson Mandela memorial in Johannesburg, South Africa.

“That’s a lot of MAHALO,” she exclaimed, to the puzzlement of our reporter.

It turned out that Palin went into a McDonald’s restaurant on Kalakaua Avenue just before she went to the beach.  She ordered a cheeseburger, ate it inside the restaurant and deposited the wrapper and some leftover into the trash bin marked “Mahalo” (see photo).  She assumed that “mahalo” was Hawaiian for trash.  So what she actually wanted to say to our reporter was that the rumor about her landing in South Korea was nothing but “trash.”

To Palin’s credit, she actually knows the meaning of “Aloha” and can pronounce “Waikiki” without any problems. Someone just needs to let her know that “mahalo” means “thank you.”

FORMER PHILIPPINE PRESIDENT GLORIA MACAPAGAL ARROYO BANNED FROM HAWAII

Big Island Mayor Billy Kenoi
Big Island Mayor Billy Kenoi

Honolulu, Hawaii – The islands of Hawaii are a convenient and strategic place for deposed, disgraced and criminally-charged Philippine politicians when fleeing, or trying to flee, their country. Honolulu became the temporary home of the late Ferdinand Marcos, his wife Imelda and their children when the dictator was forced to leave the Philippines following the historic People’s Power Revolution.

Another former president, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, more popularly referred to as ‘GMA,’ is rumored to be planning an escape to Hawaii’s Big Island.  GMA is currently under hospital arrest for criminal charges of plunder and electoral fraud committed while she was president.

GMA’s plan just went poooof!

Hawaii’s mayor Billy Kenoi has signed a bill that bans genetically-engineered crops and plants, better known as GMO. Bill 113 was passed by the Hawaii County Council last November.

Arroyo’s chief of staff delivered the bad news to her at her hospital bed at a government hospital in Manila. The chief of staff did not realize that he had misread the news from Hawaii, thinking that the Big Island had just banned his boss, GMA,  from coming to the islands.

Now, the Hawaii County Council picked up the idea. It is now considering a bill to ban GMA, in addition to the already banned GMO.

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