PEOPLE FLOCKING TO POLYNESIA FOR FREE WI-FI

imageSamoa, Polynesia – The islands of Polynesia which include countries like Samoa, Tonga, Fiji and New Zealand among others, all boast of a rich culture, paradise-like terrain, natural resources, and unique traditions untouched by the technological advances of the Silicon Valley.

But Polynesia has a secret that Apple, Google and telecommunications companies like AT&T, Sprint and Verizon are not telling their customers and cult-like followers: in all of Polynesia, wi-fi does not cost a single penny.

Polynesia is composed of thousands of tiny islands spread over the vast Pacific Ocean. In fact, almost all the islands are volcanic formations produced by hotspots.

In Geology, hotspots are volcanic regions thought to be fed by underlying mantel that is anomalously hot compared with mantle elsewhere. The hot mantle causes a great deal of molten magma, the same material that causes volcanic eruptions. Hot mantle is known to freely transmit high-frequency airwaves similar to the ones used in wi-fi technology. Unknown to most smart phone addicts, the term “hotspot” precisely originated in Polynesia.

The people of Polynesia do not need to pay for Internet service or subscribe to hotspot access for their mobile phones and tablets, because of the natural hotspots in their islands.

Attracted and amused by the idea of not having to pay for wi-fi access, people from the U.S., Europe and Asia are flocking to the Polynesian islands to start a new life and new careers, free from the exhorbitant fees charged by their Internet service providers under their mandatory two-year contracts.

Here in Polynesia, the best things in life are still free, including wi-fi.

SPAM SHORTAGE HITS HAWAII

imageHonolulu, Hawaii – A visit to Hawaii is never complete without having a snack or meal of spam sushi. This Japanese cuisine-inspired delicacy is a mainstay in local restaurant menus as well as in the refrigerated sections of every ABC Store.

In the last week, however, spam sushi has all but disappeared in Waikiki and elsewhere in the Hawaiian islands. Even McDonald’s has run out of its spam inventory and scrapped the island breakfast combo of eggs, spam and rice from its menu board.

Investigation conducted by local authorities revealed that there has been some hoarding going on, instigated by a particular group of Hawaii visitors.  Pressed by The Adobo Chronicles to identify the “hoarders,” one local official – on condition of anonymity – said: “secret service agents and journalists” accompaning President Barack Obama who is currently vacationing in Hawaii with the first family and first dog, Bo.

Officials are also investigating reports that the shortage is further aggravated by Filipinos going home for the holidays with balikbayan boxes loaded with cans of spam purchased from Costco and other warehouse stores in the islands.

Local merchants have sent urgent messages to Hormel Foods, makers of spam, to airlift several thousand cases of canned spam from its Minnesota headquarters to Hawaii.

OBAMAS’ DOG BO RELEASED FROM QUARANTINE AFTER MIX-UP

imageHonolulu, Hawaii – Hawaii is the only rabies-free state in the nation, thanks to strict quarantine rules put in place by the Hawaii Department of Agriculture.

State law requires dogs, cats and other animals to be quarantined for at least three months unless they qualify for the “5 days or less” quarantine program. The expedited program requires at least two rabies vaccinations, with the most recent being at least 90 days before the pet arrives in Hawaii.  It also requires a blood test to show the rabies-free status of the pet. Owners who want to use the expedited method also need have to have have a microchip ID inserted into their pet.

Bo Obama was very excited about his first trip to Hawaii, along with the first family . He had all the requirements and paperwork completed months in advance.

However, there was a small glitch upon Bo’s arrival aboard Air Force One. He was met by a quarantine official to examine his vaccination and other records. But when Bo’s microchip was scanned, it showed that he was a chihuahua instead of a Portuguese water dog that he is. He was then put in immediate quarantine.

Apparently, the quarantine official forgot to replace the batteries for his scanner so it was still showing the ID of the previous dog scanned which was indeed a chihuahua.

Two days after the glitch was discovered, Bo was subsequently released to the Obamas, with lei and all, just in time to celebrate Christmas with his family.

In the spirit of Aloha and the holidays, the Obamas did not file any formal complaint against the Agriculture official.

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