Business, International, Technology, The Media

THE ONION PROPOSES MERGER WITH THE ADOBO CHRONICLES

February 9, 2014 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Chicago, Illinois – America’s Finest News Source is proposing a merger with Your Source of Up-to-date Unbelievable News.

The Chicago-based The Onion has offered to absorb the international operations of the Silicon Valley-based The Adobo Chronicles for $2 Million. The Onion, which started its Internet operations in 1988, boasts of a monthly viewership of 11 Million. The Adobo Chronicles, on the other hand, started just nine months ago and is now enjoying an average monthly viewership of 1 Million.

Investors for The Onion see a great potential to increase its worldwide viewership by merging with The Adobo Chronicles.

The Adobo Chronicles has assembled a team of lawyers and investment analysts to study the merger proposal. The name of the merged company is obviously a sticky issue, with both media outlets wanting to retain their respective names. Ironically, the names of both companies have to do with food: onion being a widely-used vegetable for cooking and adobo being the national dish of the Philippines.

Negotiators on either side have, however, agreed on the tagline for the merged company: “Your Finest Source of Up-to-Date Unbelievable World News.” A great start in the negotiations.

Media mergers and buyouts are becoming more and more common but this proposed merger is different in that it has nothing to do with either company’s financial challenges. Rather it is seen as great potential for expansion and viewership.

International, Politics, Sports

RUSSIA ALTERS U.S. FIGURE SKATER’S MUSIC

February 9, 2014 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Sochi, Russia – American figure skater Ashley Wagner took to the ice Saturday to skate to the music of Pink Floyd’s “Shine On You Crazy Diamond,” during the team ladies short program. After weeks of being in the media spotlight because of criticism regarding her being on the U.S. Olympic team, Wagner was focused on one thing and one thing only: to keep the U.S. in contention for a medal in the team figure skating competition.

Then the unexpected happened. When the music played, it wasn’t Pink Floyd at all. It was Russian composer Sergei Rachmaninoff’s “Piano Concerto No. 3.” Apparently, the Russians wanted to sabotage Team U.S.A., sending armed government agents to the sound control booth at the Iceberg Skating Palace. They ordered the sound technician to replace Wagner’s music with the Russian classic.

To her coach’s and teammates’ surprise, Wagner started her routine as if she was skating to her original chosen music. It paid off quite well. Wagner received a composite score of 63.10, skating a clean program and assuring the U.S. team a solid third place going into the finals.

Something may have gone wrong, but Wagner made it right!

Uncategorized

U.S. SOCHI OLYMPIAN SWEATERS START A BIDDING WAR

February 8, 2014 Pol Pinoy 1 Comment

San Francisco, California – Two of the largest charities and used-clothing stores, Goodwill and The Salvation Army, have started a fierce bidding war over the Ralph Loren-designed, patchwork sweaters worn by the U.S. Olympic delegation at last night’s Sochi Winter Olympics opening ceremony. A third, lesser known used-clothing store in San Francisco, Out Of The Closet, has indicated it will join in the bidding.

The sweaters, made in the City of Commerce in Southern California, have received mixed reviews immediately after their world-wide television debut. Some fashionistas described the sweater as something one would use in an ‘uggliest sweater party.’

Goodwill, The Salvation Army and Out Of The Closet merchandise managers have agreed that the used sweaters will be a big hit in their stores not so much because they were worn at the Olympics but because “they are the type of sweaters that our customers always look for – patchwork and all.”

It wasn’t clear if the U.S. Olympic Committee will sell or donate the sweaters to the winning bidder.