CRISTIANO RONALDO’S STALKER IS AN IMPERSONATOR

imageRio de Janeiro, Brazil (The Adobo Chronicles) – The topless stalker who welcomed Cristiano Ronaldo to Portugal’s base camp at the World Cup turned out to be an impersonator.

The stalker, Brazilian former ‘Miss Bumbum’ beauty contest winner Andressa Urach, has claimed in the past to have had an affair with Ronaldo – strenuously denied by the player. Six days later she was ejected from Portugal’s public training session at Ponte Preta’s Moises Lucarelli stadium and told to stay away from the Real Madrid star.

Well, it turns out that ‘Miss Bumbum’ was actually a former beauty pageant winner in “Miss Bon Bon,” a crossdressing competition for men in Rio de Janeiro.

Ronaldo is the most famous soccer player in the World Cup. He is both FIFA’s World Cup Best Player and an Armani underwear model.

 

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FACEBOOK, TWITTER TO ELIMINATE HASHTAGS (#)

A restaurant menu board: hashtag overkill
A restaurant menu board: hashtag overkill

San Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – Social media giants Facebook and Twitter jointly announced today that they are eliminating the use of hashtags (#) from all user accounts.

Hashtags are used before words and phrases to expand the reach of tweets and Facebook posts. They are also a way for netizens to determine what’s trending on the Internet.

The announcement came after the U.S. National Association of Schools and Universities (NASU) complained that the extensive use of hashtags is responsible for a decline in grammar efficiency among students, as well as in the national GPA average.

A spokesperson for NASU said that it is time to go back to the good old grammar school and to banish all the technological advances in messaging and communications, especially hashtags and abbreviations like ‘LOL’ and ‘LMAO.’

The Adobo Chronicles learned of the way in which Facebook and Twitter will eliminate hashtags:

Everytime someone types in a hashtag in a tweet or message, a central computer will immediately detect the character and automatically delete it.

There are rumors that Apple and Microsoft are considering eliminating the hashtag sign from their future computer and smart phone keyboards.

WASHINGTON REDSKINS UNVEILS NEW TEAM NAME

Photo credit: dailysnark.com
Photo credit: dailysnark.com

Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – Just days after the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office cancelled six of its trademarks, the Washington Redskins announced today it was dropping its offensive team name in favor of a more politically -correct and patriotic brand.

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office canceled the trademarks belonging to the football team on Wednesday, saying they are offensive to Native Americans.

Today’s announcement ends the emotional debate that has long plagued the team on and off the playing field.

In a hastily-called press conference, Washington Redskins owner Daniel Marc Snyder announced that effective immediately, his team will be known as the Red, White and Blue Eagles. “I don’t think there could be any other name more patriotic and politically- correct than this, ” he said, adding, “It’s time to end all debate. Let’s play ball!”

 

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