IATF TO MANDATE 6 FEET DISTANCE BETWEEN VEHICLES ON THE ROAD

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – The Philippines’ Inter-Agency Task Force on Emerging Infectious Diseases (IATF) has tried everything to mitigate the continued spread of the coronavirus — from mandating face masks and face shields, to limiting transport and indoor capacities, to banning Christmas caroling and karaoke singing. Not to mention the motorcycle barriers. What else is left to regulate?

Leave it to the retired generals, technocrats and politicians in the IATF to think of the next move.

Today, IATF has issued a new order that imposes a minimum of six feet (2 meters) distance between motor vehicles plying the country’s roads and highways, with violators caught on CCTV facing fines, jail time or both.

Spokesperson Harry Roque told The Adobo Chronicles that the IATF believes keeping the said distance between vehicles will significantly reduce the chances of the virus being spread from person to person.

The Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) praised the IATF move, saying that it will also solve the traffic problem that it has never solved for many decades. “We will never see EDSA and other roadways bumper to bumper again,” said MMDA Spokesperson Celine Pialago.

MASK. HUGAS. IWAStraffic.

LECHON VENDOR COMPARES MISS UNIVERSE CATRIONA GRAY TO MIXED-BREED PIGS!

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – It was a delectable exchange via live television on the topic of the Philippines’ favorite food — the roasted pig, or lechon.

But things went awry, when the guest on a CNN Philippines program — a lechon vendor — compared Miss Universe Catriona Gray to a mixed-breed pig which he says makes for a great lechon.

We’ll stop our news story here, and let our readers hear the exchange for themselves.

PHILIPPINES’ SENATE PRESIDENT WOULD RATHER BE POISONED THAN VACCINATED

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – Taking to Twitter to respond to suggestions that politicians should be the first to be vaccinated for Covid-19, the Philippines’ Senate President Tito Sotto shocked his countrymen with his reply.

He says he’d rather be poisoned than vaccinated for free.

Sotto also mischaracterized the new Covid-19 vaccines as “98% good.” The FDA-approved vaccines are about 95% effective, according to the manufacturers and FDA review panels.

The honorable Senator also must have forgotten that murder is a crime. Including poisoning someone.

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