Category Archives: Sports

WORLD’S FIRST ‘GAYDAR’ TO DEBUT AT SOCHI WINTER OLYMPICS

The Iceberg Skating Palace in Sochi, Russia
The Iceberg Skating Palace in Sochi, Russia

Sochi, Russia – When the figure skating competitions begin a day before the actual Winter Olympics opening ceremonies, athletes and spectators will go through what may seem like security metal detectors. But lo and behold, they are actually ‘gaydars.”

These special detectors, the first if its kind in the world, will be installed at all entrances to the  Iceberg Skating Palace, the 12,000-seat venue of the ice skating competitions.

Everyone knows by now that Russia has strict anti-gay laws in place, prohibiting any public display of homosexuality.  While the Putin government has said that no foreigner will be arrested under these laws during the duration of the winter games, it is nevertheless taking extreme measures to discourage public display of homosexuality.

The gaydar technology, developed in China by Apple, will detect even the slightest trace of gayness by scanning the retina of the eyes and flagging any abnormal flickering of the fingers.

Russian officials said that any athlete or spectator who fails the high-tech test will be denied enty into the competitions.  It wasn’t clear if the figure skating competitors are exempted from the screening. “I think the skaters will be exempted,” said one official, “otherwise we might not have any competition to watch if  any of the skaters are banned from the skating arena.”

The men’s short program kicks off the figure skating competitions on February 6 and the Opening Ceremonies will be held February 7.

MANNY PACQUIAO CONFLICTED ABOUT HIS FUTURE

imageSarangani, Philippines – Manny Pacquiao: world champion boxer, Philippine Congressman, Karaoke King, millionaire. He’s got it all, you’d think. But what lies ahead in his future?

In an exclusive interview with The Adobo Chronicles, “Pacman” reveals the great dilemma he is facing regarding what’s next after he leaves the boxing ring. He has already made known his intention to run for president of the Philippines in 2016, but he seems to be having a change of heart.

His new movie, featuring himself and narrated by Liam Neeson, is set to be released this spring and Pacquiao seems to have found his new love – Hollywood. He makes no secret about his ambition to be in the company of Oscar Award nominees, or better still, winners.

His advisers, though, are saying that there is no reason for Pacquiao to be conflicted, even if he becomes an Oscar award-winning actor. After all, in the Philippines, it is not uncommon for movie actors to be elected mayors, governors, congressmen, senators, even president.

MAJORITY OF AMERICAN FOOTBALL FANS CAN’T COUNT IN ROMAN NUMERALS

bowlNew York, NY – With Super Bowl XLVIII just days away, the country’s leading poll organization, The Gallup Poll, released a new survey that showed Americans can’t find Yemen on the world map.  But that was not the most revealing result of the new poll. Part Two of the poll showed that Americans — football fans in particular — can’t count in Roman numerals.

There was only one multiple-choice question on the second part of the survey: “Which of the following Arabic numerals correspond to the Roman numerals XLVIII ?”  The choices were 28, 38, 48, 58 , 68, and “none of the above.”

Thirty percent of respondents answered 28; twenty five percent answered 38; fifteen percent answered 68, and ten percent answered 58.  Only 5% answered 48 which was the correct answer. The remaining fifteen percent answered “none of the above” because they didn’t know that the numbers 0123456789 were called “Arabic”numerals.  They thought that Arabic numerals referred to the special characters used in Yemen and the rest of the Arab world.

Upon learning of the poll results, the National Football League board of governors met in an emergency session to unanimously approve a resolution to change next year’s official Super Bowl name to “Super Bowl 49.”