In a plot twist worthy of a teleserye, certain senators have magically decided that due process is so passé—especially when it comes to the impeachment trial of Sara Duterte. With the subtlety of a bulldozer in a tiangge, covert moves are underway to dismiss the trial faster than a session adjournment after lunch. Bravo!
But here’s a wild idea: instead of dismissing the trial, why not dismiss the puppeteers behind this constitutional circus? The Filipino people are taking attendance—and guess what? We see you, Senator Spinmaster, and your fellow Defenders of the Dynasty.
If the Senate won’t uphold accountability, perhaps it’s time the people gave you a proper dismissal. Yes, senators, class dismiss! And unlike your backdoor deals, this one comes with no exit pass. Bring snacks next time; democracy’s long, but karma has better timing.
Senator Imee Marcos strutted into the Senate like a triumphant beauty queen — or perhaps more like a pageant judge who never got crowned — declaring with exaggerated pride that she was “present!” on the first day of the 19th Senate’s reconvening.
It was a theatrical comeback, timed suspiciously well after her rather awkward snubbing at the gates of Rodrigo Duterte’s hallowed The Hague hideaway, where she was reportedly denied entry like an uninvited tita at a private birthday bash.
But never mind the rejection; Imee spun her attendance into a badge of statesmanship, as if simply showing up to work merited applause. Her Senate presence became less a matter of duty and more a political redemption tour. One might even say she traded the ICC’s closed doors for the Senate’s open mic — and she’s determined to remind the nation that even if she can’t see Duterte, she can still be seen.
MANILA, Philippines — May 27, 2025 — In what may be the most airtight forensic analysis since “nasaan ang Pangulo?”, Senator Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa has come forward to confirm the authenticity of former Presidential Spokesperson Harry Roque’s alleged second passport.
Roque recently took to social media to post a dramatic flat-lay of his cancelled Philippine passport, seemingly in response to swirling rumors that he holds multiple valid passports. The photo, taken under soft lighting and beside a cup of barako coffee, showed a passport with a clear perforation—standard in invalidated documents.
“Authentic ‘yan kasi may butas!” Senator Bato declared in an exclusive interview with The Adobo Chronicles, pausing dramatically before adding, “Eh di ba lahat ng totoo, may butas din?”
Pressed on whether the presence of a hole necessarily proves the passport’s authenticity and not, say, a hole punch from National Bookstore, Bato replied, “Ang sindikato ba marunong magbutas? I don’t think so.”
Political analysts are baffled but entertained. “This could be a new legal standard in the Philippines,” said Atty. Marupok Salvador. “We’re moving from ‘innocent until proven guilty’ to ‘authentic basta may butas.’”
Meanwhile, Roque has yet to clarify whether he was flexing his expired passport in defense, distraction, or simply nostalgia. “This was the passport I used in The Hague,” he posted, as netizens speculated whether the “second passport” was hidden behind the first in the photo like a Russian nesting doll.
As of press time, DFA has neither confirmed nor denied the existence of a second, third, or fourth Roque passport. However, an anonymous source hinted that the agency is now considering a new watermark for authentic documents: Senator Bato’s thumbs-up.
Stay tuned as The Adobo Chronicles investigates whether multiple passports make you a citizen or just really bad at renewing on time.
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