Category Archives: International

SOMETHING HAPPENED IN ONE OF RUSSIAN PRESIDENT PUTIN’S PALACES

One of Putin's Palaces in Lake Valdai
One of Putin’s Palaces in Lake Valdai

Moscow, Russia – As Vladimir Putin’s government continues to come under fire for the recent crackdown on homosexuality in Russia, the Russian president’s  lavish lifestyle is also gaining closer scrutiny.  In addition to private planes and yachts at his disposal, Putin has  20 palaces to spend time in at his beck and call.  One of these palaces is located in Lake Valdai  in the middle of the Valdai Hills in Novgorod Oblast, Russia.

Putin spent last weekend in this grandiose palace which has a cinema, two restaurants and bowling alley.  Eyewitness reports emanating from the palace’s staff of butlers and chambermaids confirmed that while vacationing at the palace, a surreal incident happened.  As Putin was preparing to retire for the evening, he heard some loud music coming from the palace’s cinema.  Putin immediately descended the spiral staircase across from his bedroom and entered the cinema which was located on the ground floor of the two-story south wing of the palace.

What Putin saw shocked him.  It was a film showing composer Peter Tchaikovsky conducting the Moscow Philharmonic Orchestra. The orchestra was playing music from Swan Lake.  As the camera panned to a stage above the orchestra pit,  two male dancers were seen pirouetting and crisscrossing the breadth of the huge stage in what was obviously a scene depicting lovers.  Putin immediately recognized the dancers: an aging Vaslav Nijinsky and a young Rudolf Nureyev.  As the orchestra executed a loud crescendo, the two men kissed and a white transparent curtain quickly dropped in front of the dancers, followed by a text credit projected onto the curtain which read, “Choreographed by Serge Diaghilev.”

Putin, of course, knew that all the characters he saw on the cinema screen, incuding the choreographer, were among Russia’s famous homosexuals.  Eyewitnesses couldn’t tell whether Putin was bothered or amused by the homosexual ghosts.

There is no word from Putin or his press corps on whether this surreal experience would change his mind regarding his controversial policy on homosexuality in Russia.

RUSSIANS BOYCOTT AMERICAN APPLE PIE

imageMoscow, Russia – Vodka is to Russia while apple pie is as American as it can get.   In recent weeks, many U.S. gay bars have boycotted vodka in protest of the Russian government’s increasing crackdown on homosexuality. This, despite the fact that vodka companies in the U.S. have been supportive of many U.S. gay events , including Pride festivities across the country.

In retaliation, restaurants and bakeries throughout Russia have agreed to ban all sales of apple pie in the country. The news was upsetting to the states of Washington, California, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York and Virginia, the top six apple producers in the U.S.image

The Ohio-based General Mills, makers of the popular baking and pie product line Pillsbury, has not returned calls from The Adobo Chronicles for comment but is reportedlly preparing a media statement to be officially released tomorrow. General Mills is expected to address the issue on whether the Russian boycott of apple pie will affect its business.

Meanwhile, nationwide sales of Coors beer, once the target of a gay boycott, have registered a 150% increase since the vodka boycott was announced.

MERCEDES-BENZ STOCKS PLUMMET; FIAT SHOOTS UP, THANKS TO POPE FRANCIS

SCV 1, the papal car license plate
SCV 1, the papal car license plate

Wall Street, New York City –  Stocks of Mercedes-Benz plummeted to their lowest level ever as the opening bell rang at all trading houses this morning. Listed as Daimler AG , its parent company, Mercedez Benz saw prices drop to under ten dollars per share, compared to its all-time average of almost eighty dollars.

This shocking development  for investors came as  news of Pope Francis’ trip to Brazil filled the front pages of worldwide dailies and made headlines in broadcast news and the social media.  As was widely reported, the Pope continued to refuse to use the bullet-proof popemobile during his appearances in the Catholic country, opting instead to borrow an old Fiat owned by a local Brazilian resident.  As a result, the value of Fiat stocks tripled in just the last 24 hours.

imageMost of the popemobiles used by previous popes were manufactured by Mercedes-Benz, except for the one used by Pope John Paul during his visit to the Philippines in 1995. It was manufactured by the local Francisco Motors, makers of the colorful jeepneys, kings of the road in all of Metro Manila’s streets and highways.