In a shocking twist that surprises absolutely no one, former President Donald Trump has taken his nostalgic obsession with the “good old days” to the next level with his latest initiative: MAWA—Make America White Again.
Under a flurry of Executive Orders, Trump has boldly renamed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America—a move that likely left Mexico unfazed but had Florida retirees cheering. He’s also doubling down on deportations, but mostly for non-White immigrants (because fairness is overrated). Meanwhile, federal funding cuts now target programs that actually help people of color, because who needs equity when you have Trump Steaks?
Adding to his legacy, Trump unceremoniously fired two top Black members (one of them a woman) from the military’s Joint Chiefs of Staff, proving once again that “diversity” in his administration is as welcome as facts at a MAGA rally. And, of course, in true Trump fashion, he forgot that Native Americans were here first. Oops.
In a bold move to “Make America Empty Again,” Trump’s immigration task force successfully deported everyone who wasn’t white. Factories ground to a halt, Silicon Valley engineers vanished, and suddenly, no one knew how to cook their own food. Wealthy elites found themselves scrubbing their own toilets, hedge fund managers attempted to pick strawberries (and lasted 20 minutes before fainting), and Karen’s favorite Thai restaurant? Closed—because, surprise, Chad doesn’t know how to make Pad Thai.
Wall Street collapsed, Uber rides disappeared, and hospitals operated at half capacity as doctors and nurses were shipped off. Even Mar-a-Lago shut down—turns out, no one wanted to work minimum wage to fold Trump’s golden bedsheets. Meanwhile, Americans sat in their overpriced homes, wondering how their “self-sufficient” nation fell apart in two weeks.
And so, in a shocking twist, Trump made an emergency call: “Come back! I was just kidding!” But the world had moved on.
Ah, America—the land of the free, where even its own citizens aren’t safe from deportation. Take, for instance, the case of a Puerto Rican military veteran, a man who put his life on the line for the very nation that later handed him a one-way ticket out. He was arrested in a deportation raid! You’d think serving in the military would at least earn you a permanent spot in the club. But no, paperwork errors and systemic ignorance take priority over logic.
Perhaps it’s an elaborate ploy to redefine patriotism. “Thank you for your service—now leave.” Or maybe it’s a bold experiment in irony, deporting people from their own country just to see if anyone notices. Either way, it’s a masterclass in how to make bureaucracy look both cruel and hilariously inept.
The last time we checked, Guam, American Samoa, Northern Mariana Islands, and US Virgin Islands are territories and part of America as well. So America can’t just banish its citizens to “Make America Great Again!”
The Adobo Chronicles 
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