Cairo, Egypt (The Adobo Chronicles) – A male bus driver went in for a urine test as part of a routine drug screening by his employer, the General Transport Authority in Egypt. The results came back positive, but not for illegal substance.
The man was totally shocked when the doctor told him, “Congratulations, you’re pregnant!”
Apparently, the man used urine sample he took from his wife earlier. He had no idea that his wife was two months pregnant.
Moral of the story: keep a pregnancy home test kit handy at all times, and use it before submitting yourself for drug testing. Especially if you’re male.
Louisville, Kentucky (The Adobo Chronicles) – After two months of causing widespread panic among the American public, Ebola has finally been eradicated in the U.S.
This was announced today by Senator Mitch McConnell, the presumptive next Senate majority leader. The Kentucky senator defeated his Democratic rival in yesterday’s midterm elections, as did several other Republicans in various state contests. The Republican victory virtually put both the Senate and the House of Representatives under full control by the GOP.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed the first-ever case of Ebola diagnosed in America on September 30. The patient, Thomas Eric Duncan, came from Liberia and had remained in isolation at a hospital in Dallas, Texas for over a week. On the morning of October 8, he died.
Several other cases of nurses and doctors suspected to have been exposed to the Ebola virus after arriving from medical missions in West Africa prompted extreme measures by several states, including mandatory quarantine and active monitoring by the federal government.
Many Republican candidates campaigned on scare tactics and criticized the Obama administration for doing nothing or very little to combat the spread of the deadly virus in the U.S.
It turns out that “Ebola” was a code name used by Republican leaders to refer to their political strategy to gain full control of Congress in Tuesday’s elections. Choosing the code name worked perfectly for Republican candidates because it resulted in a “double entendre,” scaring many voters who believed that the Democrats were not doing enough to stop the spread of the virus. Exit polls confirmed that voters went for Republican candidates because of this.
As soon as the television networks and news media called the election in favor of a full Republican control of Congress, the GOP officially declared that Ebola has been eradicated in the U.S.– their election strategy code name, that is. With it came the eradication of Democrats in key states.
Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – The Amber Alert, a U.S. emergency response system, is exclusively designed to deal with child abduction cases. But for the first time, the Federal government has used the system and issued a missing person report for an adult — no less than President Barack Obama’s newly-appointed Ebola Czar.
Since Ron Klain officially started his job on October 22, he has not been seen or heard of. Even reporters at White House briefings have asked questions like: “What’s Ron Klain doing?” or “Is he accomplishing what he was appointed to do?” or “What has he done?” As for the visibly scared American public, the bigger question is : “Where is the Ebola Czar?”
White House press secretary Josh Earnest has explained repeatedly that Klain’s work would principally be “behind the scenes,” offering broad, bland descriptions of his work.
But national law enforcement agencies are not taking Earnest’s words in stride and have issued a national Amber Alert, asking Americans (and non-Americans) to help find Klain. The public is advised to call their nearest police department if they have any sighting of Klain or someone who looks like Klain.
Although the Ebola scare perpetuated by politicians and the media have remained just that — a scare — the national government is not taking any chances in case Klain has been abducted by aliens or by Ebola ghosts.
Cairo, Egypt (The Adobo Chronicles) – A male bus driver went in for a urine test as part of a routine drug screening by his employer, the General Transport Authority in Egypt. The results came back positive, but not for illegal substance.
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