Northfield, Illinois – Just a day after it announced a shortage of its cheese products, Kraft Foods accused fastfood giant McDonald’s of hoarding tons and tons of the popular cheese brand Velveeta.
In its earlier announcement, Kraft said it did not know what was causing the Velveeta shortage, only going as far as to say that a noticeable decline in its product supply happens every now and then. Analysts surmised that the shortage may have something to do with the NFL season where football fans consume an unusual amount of cheese and cheese products.
However, a Kraft external investigation confirmed that McDonald’s has been stocking crates and crates of Velveeta cheese in just the last several weeks.
In an exclusive interview with The Adobo Chronicles, a top executive of the hamburger chain admitted that indeed, McDonald’s has been holding on to a huge inventory of Velveeta cheese. The reason? “We are about to launch a new McDonald’s menu item — Mc N Cheese,” the spokesperson said.
Honolulu, Hawaii – A visit to Hawaii is never complete without having a snack or meal of spam sushi. This Japanese cuisine-inspired delicacy is a mainstay in local restaurant menus as well as in the refrigerated sections of every ABC Store.
In the last week, however, spam sushi has all but disappeared in Waikiki and elsewhere in the Hawaiian islands. Even McDonald’s has run out of its spam inventory and scrapped the island breakfast combo of eggs, spam and rice from its menu board.
Investigation conducted by local authorities revealed that there has been some hoarding going on, instigated by a particular group of Hawaii visitors. Pressed by The Adobo Chronicles to identify the “hoarders,” one local official – on condition of anonymity – said: “secret service agents and journalists” accompaning President Barack Obama who is currently vacationing in Hawaii with the first family and first dog, Bo.
Officials are also investigating reports that the shortage is further aggravated by Filipinos going home for the holidays with balikbayan boxes loaded with cans of spam purchased from Costco and other warehouse stores in the islands.
Local merchants have sent urgent messages to Hormel Foods, makers of spam, to airlift several thousand cases of canned spam from its Minnesota headquarters to Hawaii.
Honolulu, Hawaii – Forget the image of the controversial handshake between U.S. President Barack Obama and Cuban leader Raul Castro during the memorial celebration for the late Nelson Mandela in Johannesburg, South Africa. Or that of the beer diplomacy at the White House involving Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and Cambridge police chief James Crowley. Google it if you have no idea what we’re talking about.
The big news today was the unexpected meeting between Obama and Sarah Palin who are both vacationing in Hawaii.
No visit to Honolulu is ever complete without stopping by Leonard’s Bakery to pick up a box of malasadas, those warm pastries resembling donut holes rolled in sugar.
Apparently, malasadas are a favorite of the political rivals, and they happened to stop by Leonard’s tonight at the same time. At first, both felt very uncomfortable at the unexpected meeting, but after they both got their orders, they felt the spirit of aloha and shook hands.
Members of the press corps accompanying the president (including our star reporter at The Adobo Chronicles) were shocked at what they saw, but conceded that everything they witnessed was all because of the holiday atmosphere that’s been spreading uncontrollably in the Rainbow State.