HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles, Los Angeles Bureau) – After all the social media hype, news reports and speculation, loyal fans of former talk show host and presidential sister Kris Aquino were shocked and disappointed that their idol isn’t one of the main cast members named for an upcoming Hollywood film, “Crazy Rich Asians.” This major Hollywood film based on the novel by best-selling author Kevin Kwan, will have an all-Asian cast.
IMDb, Hollywood’s official repository of film projects, reveals the names of the cast of the new film, including Constance Yu, Michelle Yeoh, Gemma Chan, Awkwafina and Sonoya Mizuno, but no Kris Aquino.
Still, fans are hoping that rumors indicating that Aquino will play an Asian princess 👸 in the film are true.
However, sources close to the Philippines’ Queen of All Media say that Aquino misread the casting call invitation she received. Indeed, she was invited to play the role of an Asian princess but not in Hollywood. The invitation came from Bollywood.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, New York Bureau) – From the Philippine Daily Inquirer to The New York Times, from CNN to ABS-CBN, news outlets are reinventing themselves, introducing new logos and coming clean to stay true to their political leanings.
The growing trend comes amid sagging popularity and credibility among legitimate news organiztions which have been facing stiff competition from social media and citizen journalists.
More news outlets are expected to follow suit.
Rappler is now Wrapper. Inquirer is now Inqueerer. Reuters is now Reuters’ Hooters. The New York Times is now The New York Thymnes. TIME is now LAME. ABS-CBN is now ABias-CBN, CNN is now FNN (Fake News Network) and FOX News Channel is now Faux News Channel.
As for The Adobo Chronicles? Well, we’ve always been true to our mission, so we will stay put.
HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles, Los Angeles Bureau) – It has been rumored that Filipina actress, retired talk show host and former presidential sister Kris Aquino has landed a coveted role in the upcoming Hollywood film, “Crazy Rich Asians.”
Crazy Rich Asians is a 2013 best-selling novel by Kevin Kwan, loosely based on his own childhood in Singapore.
Film Plot
Nick Young, the heir apparent of an extremely wealthy old-money Singapore family living in New York City and working as a professor goes home for the first time in years to attend his best friend’s wedding. He decides to bring his girlfriend with him, Rachel Chu, who has no idea about the enormity of his wealth, and who is unprepared for immersion in an overwhelming world of wealth that doesn’t welcome her.
Astrid Leong, Nick’s cousin, the subject of Singapore society coverage, also known as “The Goddess”, seems to have it all: good breeding, astonishing beauty, massive wealth, great fashion sense, complete with a couture collection that rivals the Sheika of Qatar’s, and an attractive ex-army husband. Astrid discovers disturbing signs of a possible secret mistress as she comes to understand her husband’s insecurity about his own success compared to her vast wealth.
AquinoFails In Personal Interview
Sources close to The Adobo Chronicles have confirmed, however, that Aquino did not land the role following an in-person interview with the producers and casting director in Hollywood. Could it have been because of Aquino’s English skills? (The film will entirely be in English).
We’ve obtained an illegal copy of the transcript of Aquino’s interview with the Hollywood execs:
Casting Director: Good morning, Miss Aquino, how are you today?
Aquino: Haaay naku! The 13-hour flight from the Philippines is so nakakapagod. Grabe! But I’m okay today after having lunch at Chowking. You know, I own a franchise of this restaurant chain in Manila.
Producer: Tell us more about why you want to take on this role in what could be your first Hollywood film.
Aquino: Oh wait lang ha. I have to make bahing (Achoo!). Grabe, I’m not used to the weather here in L.A. In Manila, it’s so so hot, you make pawis right after you’ve taken a shower. Okay, well you know, it’s always been my ambition to be a Hollywood star. I’m qualified naman, di ba? As a matter of fact, I’ve starred in a lot of Filipino films, thanks to my little bossing who is not that little na.
Casting Director: What makes you best qualified for this role?
Aquino: Well, since this film is about rich Asians, I can relate to the role very well. You see, my family is very rich. In fact, we own a big hacienda in the Philippines. I also went to an exclusive school in Manila, plus I’ve spent some years living in an upscale neighborhood of Boston. I’m probably more rich and famous that Jeane Napoles, you know, the daughter of the Pork Barrel queen. Besides her wealth came from illegal sources. Mine is through my hard work. Plus, don’t you think I look like the perfect Asian face? Thanks to the unbelievable whitening cream I use every day.
Casting Director: Is it true you wore the seized necklaces and jewelry of Imelda Marcos?
Aquino: Naku naman, that’s a very unfair question. They are rumors lang. Not true.
Producer: How would you feel if you didn’t land the role in this film?
Aquino: Hahaha. I love your sense of humor. Nakakakilig. You’re kidding, right? Oh, did I already tell you na I am considered the Oprah Winfrey of the Philippines? The only difference is she’s black, and I’m mestiza.
HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles, Los Angeles Bureau) – After all the social media hype, news reports and speculation, loyal fans of former talk show host and presidential sister Kris Aquino were shocked and disappointed that their idol isn’t one of the main cast members named for an upcoming Hollywood film, “Crazy Rich Asians.” This major Hollywood film based on the novel by best-selling author Kevin Kwan, will have an all-Asian cast.
IMDb, Hollywood’s official repository of film projects, reveals the names of the cast of the new film, including Constance Yu, Michelle Yeoh, Gemma Chan, Awkwafina and Sonoya Mizuno, but no Kris Aquino.
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