Why Kris Aquino Did Not Land Role In Hollywood Film.

IMG_0594
Kris Aquino (Instagram photo)

HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles, Los Angeles Bureau) – It has been rumored that Filipina actress, retired talk show host and former presidential sister Kris Aquino has landed a coveted role in the upcoming Hollywood film, “Crazy Rich Asians.”

Crazy Rich Asians is a 2013 best-selling novel by Kevin Kwan, loosely based on his own childhood in Singapore.

Film Plot

Nick Young, the heir apparent of an extremely wealthy old-money Singapore family living in New York City and working as a professor goes home for the first time in years to attend his best friend’s wedding. He decides to bring his girlfriend with him, Rachel Chu, who has no idea about the enormity of his wealth, and who is unprepared for immersion in an overwhelming world of wealth that doesn’t welcome her.

Astrid Leong, Nick’s cousin, the subject of Singapore society coverage, also known as “The Goddess”, seems to have it all: good breeding, astonishing beauty, massive wealth, great fashion sense, complete with a couture collection that rivals the Sheika of Qatar’s, and an attractive ex-army husband. Astrid discovers disturbing signs of a possible secret mistress as she comes to understand her husband’s insecurity about his own success compared to her vast wealth.

Aquino Fails In Personal Interview

Sources close to The Adobo Chronicles have confirmed, however, that Aquino did not land the role following an in-person interview with the producers and casting director in Hollywood.  Could it have been because of Aquino’s English skills? (The film will entirely be in English).

We’ve obtained an illegal copy of the transcript of Aquino’s interview with the Hollywood execs:

Casting Director: Good morning, Miss Aquino, how are you today?

Aquino: Haaay naku! The 13-hour flight from the Philippines is so nakakapagod.  Grabe! But I’m okay  today after having lunch at Chowking.  You know, I own a franchise of this restaurant chain in Manila.

Producer: Tell us more about why you want to take on this role in what could be your first Hollywood film.

Aquino: Oh wait lang ha.  I have to make bahing (Achoo!).  Grabe, I’m not used to the weather here in L.A.  In Manila, it’s so so hot, you make pawis right after you’ve taken a shower.  Okay, well you know, it’s always been my ambition to be a Hollywood star.  I’m qualified naman, di ba?  As a matter of fact, I’ve starred in a lot of Filipino films, thanks to my little bossing who is not that little na.

Casting Director: What makes you best qualified for this role?

Aquino: Well, since this film is about rich Asians, I can relate to the role very well.  You see, my family is very rich.  In fact, we own a big hacienda in the Philippines.  I also went to an exclusive school in Manila, plus I’ve spent some years living in an upscale neighborhood of Boston.  I’m probably more rich and famous that Jeane Napoles, you know, the daughter of the Pork Barrel queen.  Besides her wealth came from illegal sources.  Mine is through my hard work.  Plus, don’t you think I look like the perfect Asian face?  Thanks to the unbelievable whitening cream I use every day.

Casting Director: Is it true you wore the seized necklaces and jewelry of Imelda Marcos?

Aquino: Naku naman, that’s a very unfair question.  They are rumors lang.  Not true.

Producer: How would you feel if you didn’t land the role in this film?

Aquino:  Hahaha. I love your sense of humor. Nakakakilig.  You’re kidding, right?  Oh, did I already tell you na I am considered the Oprah Winfrey of the Philippines?  The only difference is she’s black, and I’m mestiza.

(Interview ends)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s