Category Archives: Business

MERCEDES-BENZ STOCKS PLUMMET; FIAT SHOOTS UP, THANKS TO POPE FRANCIS

July 25, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Wall Street, New York City – Stocks of Mercedes-Benz plummeted to their lowest level ever as the opening bell rang at all trading houses this morning. Listed as Daimler AG , its parent company, Mercedez Benz saw prices drop to under ten dollars per share, compared to its all-time average of almost eighty dollars.

This shocking development for investors came as news of Pope Francis’ trip to Brazil filled the front pages of worldwide dailies and made headlines in broadcast news and the social media. As was widely reported, the Pope continued to refuse to use the bullet-proof popemobile during his appearances in the Catholic country, opting instead to borrow an old Fiat owned by a local Brazilian resident. As a result, the value of Fiat stocks tripled in just the last 24 hours.

Most of the popemobiles used by previous popes were manufactured by Mercedes-Benz, except for the one used by Pope John Paul during his visit to the Philippines in 1995. It was manufactured by the local Francisco Motors, makers of the colorful jeepneys, kings of the road in all of Metro Manila’s streets and highways.

Business, International, Law Enforcement

LENSCRAFTERS OFFERS SNOWDEN A MODELING JOB

July 18, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Mason, Ohio – LensCrafters, the nationwide eyeglass chain known for its mantra of “glasses in an hour,” has offered Edward Snowden, the fugitive former employee of a contractor for the National Security Administration who leaked secret damaging documents to the media, a job as an eyeglass model. The Ohio-based company was apparently mesmerized by the photos of Snowden that have appeared in the media worldwide, showing Snowden sporting a stylish pair of eyglasses.

“His good looks with those glasses would make him the perfect eyeglass model for our company,” a spokesperson for LensCrafters told reporters today.

LensCrafters has offered Snowden a deal that would be hard to resist. The company will pay for his first-class airfare from Moscow to Ohio, shoulder all his legal expenses that may result from the espionage charges the U.S. government is preparing to file in court upon his return to the U.S. , and a salary as an eyeglass model that’s twice the compensation he was receiving at the NSA contractor company which fired him.

Snowden said he was seriously thinking about the offer and will make a decision in the next 24 hours. He said he will sleep over it on his sleeping bag at the Moscow airport and will have an announcement about the offer by 9am, Moscow time, right after he has had his cup of Starbucks coffee.

Business

CALTRANS WEIGHS OPTIONS ON BAY BRIDGE

July 15, 2013 Pol Pinoy Leave a comment

Oakland, California -Facing criticism amid its announcement that the new eastern span of the Bay Bridge will not open by Labor Day as originally scheduled, Caltrans is now considering several options to appease irate commuters who rely on the bridge for their daily trek to and from San Francisco. Earlier, top engineering experts have said that the new span will not withstand even a 5.0 earthquake due to the faulty bolts.

Caltrans said it is re-evaluating whether it is even worth it to continue with the construction of the new span. Apparently, replacing the faulty bolts will cost as much as it has already spent in building the new bridge. Caltrans declined to reveal a dollar amount.

The second option is to retrofit the old span and add rainbow-colored lights to the bridge that would create a spectacular view of the old structure at night and on foggy days.

The third option which is currently being negotiated is to station three Carnival Cruise ships in the Bay Area to ferry passengers between Oakland and San Francisco during heavy commute times. Carnival Cruises is reportedly very interested in the Caltrans proposal considering problems the shipping lines has had in the past year. As a result of accidents at sea as well as fire and electrical problems, Carnival Cruises has been losing business. Caltrans said this third option might work well for San Francisco and Oakland commuters given their party and fun-loving nature.