All posts by Pol Pinoy

JOINT CNN-FOX NEWS POLL SHOWS ALL-WOMEN FIELD FOR 2016 U.S. PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS

Clinton
Clinton

Atlanta, Georgia – A joint CNN and FOX News poll shows a sharp shift in American voter preference for the 2016 presidential elections.  A huge  majority of the 10,000 likely voters polled from acoss the 50 states are now gravitating towards women. Republicans and Democrats alike have chosen an all-women field for their top three choices for the next U.S. president.  While the 4th and 5th places on both the Republican and Democrat sides were men,  the poll numbers were too insignificant and way below the 3% margin of error.  CNN and Fox chose not to reveal the names of the potential male candidates because the networks would not want to embarrass them. Not surprisingly, there was a 3-way tie in the Republican poll. Here are the poll results:

DEMOCRATS:                                                            REPUBLICANS:

1. Hillary Clinton, 45%                                        1. Sarah Palin, 33.33%

2.  Elizabeth Warren, 40%.                                  2. Michelle Bachmann, 33.33%

3. Caroline Kennedy, 14.9 %.                              3.  Jan Brewer, 33.33 %

Top: Palin, Bachmann; Bottom: Brewer, Kennedy, Warren
Top: Palin, Bachmann; Bottom: Brewer, Kennedy, Warren

The CNN-FOX News poll did not pit the Republican and Democrat candidates against each other. “That will be for the next poll,” a joint statement from the two networks said.

“TWILIGHT” ACTORS REPULSED BY GILROY GARLIC FESTIVAL

twiGilroy, California – Organizers of the annual Gilroy Garlic Festival revealed today that of the three lead actors of the “Twilight” film series invited to grace the event, only Taylor Lautner will be making an appearance.  The other two actors, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, have declined the invitation.

The Gilroy Garlic Festival is the world’s largest such event participated in by hundreds of food vendors with booths featuring the best garlic recipes. This year’s festival is scheduled for July 26-28.  Gilroy, a city located 78 miles south of San Francisco, is one of the largest, if not the largest garlic producer in the U.S.  The festival is designed to showcase the city’s booming garlic industry.

garFestival organizers said that Stewart and Pattinson apologized for declining the invitation, citing garlic as the reason for their inability to attend.  Both actors said that since they started acting in the “Twilight” series, they have developed a phobia for garlic. “We just can’t imagine being in an environment full of garlic,” the pair said. It is common knowledge in many cultures that garlic is used to drive away vampires.  Stewart and Pattinson play vampires in the film series.  Organizers said that Taylor Lautner, who plays a werewolf in the films, was gracious enough to accept the personal appearance invitation, despite the non-appearance of his co-stars.

MERCEDES-BENZ STOCKS PLUMMET; FIAT SHOOTS UP, THANKS TO POPE FRANCIS

SCV 1, the papal car license plate
SCV 1, the papal car license plate

Wall Street, New York City –  Stocks of Mercedes-Benz plummeted to their lowest level ever as the opening bell rang at all trading houses this morning. Listed as Daimler AG , its parent company, Mercedez Benz saw prices drop to under ten dollars per share, compared to its all-time average of almost eighty dollars.

This shocking development  for investors came as  news of Pope Francis’ trip to Brazil filled the front pages of worldwide dailies and made headlines in broadcast news and the social media.  As was widely reported, the Pope continued to refuse to use the bullet-proof popemobile during his appearances in the Catholic country, opting instead to borrow an old Fiat owned by a local Brazilian resident.  As a result, the value of Fiat stocks tripled in just the last 24 hours.

imageMost of the popemobiles used by previous popes were manufactured by Mercedes-Benz, except for the one used by Pope John Paul during his visit to the Philippines in 1995. It was manufactured by the local Francisco Motors, makers of the colorful jeepneys, kings of the road in all of Metro Manila’s streets and highways.