VILNIUS, Lithuania —Armed with $1 Billion vouchers, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is in Europe courting international support for a possible U.S. military strike on Syria for alleged use of chemical weapons.
Kerry, the Obama administration’s chief salesman for a U.S. punitive strike, will meet Saturday with European officials about the Syrian crisis and update them on ongoing peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians.
President Barack Obama decided last weekend to postpone any military action and seek the backing of Congress before proceeding to violate the United Nations Charter.
The administration is running out of options for gaining support. A favorable Congressional vote is doubtful. U.S. Allies have not aligned with the U.S. The G20 leaders were lukewarm. The U.N. Secretary General is opposed. Polls show 6 in 10 Americans do not support the strike.
“This is our last straw ” Kerry said. “Any country that will support our planned military strike will get $1 Billion in U.S. aid, provided they sign on within the next 3 days. U.S. credibility is what’s at stake here, ” he added.
Asked by The Adobo Chronicles where the funds will come from, Kerry replied, “Oh, it’s part of the little-known presidential pork barrel. We have not touched it in 5 years. The time has come.”
Santa Clara, California – America’s three major sports leagues have jointly issued guidelines for singers invited to sing the “Star-Spangled Banner,” or “God Bless America” during sports events. Meeting in Santa Clara, California, future home of the San Francisco 49ers, the National Football League, National Basketball Association and Major League Baseball all agreed to strictly abide by the new rules.
The rules were drawn up following recent controversies that involved Latino singers invited to sing at major sports events: 11-year old Mariachi singer Sebastien De La Cruz and Jennifer Lopez’s ex-husband Marc Anthony.
De La Cruz sang the U.S. National Anthem at Game 3 of the NBA playoff series between the San Antonio Spurs and Miami Heat while Anthony sang “God Bless America” at an All-Star Major League Baseball game. Both performances were condemned by U.S. nationalists for what they called “singing American while being Latino.” Both singers, of course, are U.S. citizens and are as American as apple pie.
In crafting the new guidelines, the major leagues wanted to make sure that they are not perceived as being racists, so they proposed a basic, core language for the guidelines, as follows:
“Any singer who rolls his or her ‘Rs’ will not be allowed to perform at the games.”
The Union representing singers and performers immediately sent a memo to all its members advising them to practice saying and singing the words, “America,” “Broad Stripes and Bright Stars,” “Perilous Fight,” “ramparts ” etc. and to do so with a “twang.”
Cupertino, California – Tech giant Apple has just unveiled its latest innovation, and it’s not a smart phone or a tablet computer. It’s the iGlass.
Seen as Apple’s response to the Google Glass, the new high-fashion, unisex, one size fits all shades does not have a camera or the other Google Glass features. “What it does is show a constant self reflection of the wearer, enabling him or her to keep his or her appearance and poise in check at all times,” Apple CEO Tim Cook said. “However, when other people look at your iGlass, they will see their own reflection. Like the iPhone and iPad cameras, iGlass is both front and rear facing, so to speak. This will eliminate the need for mirrors in public restrooms and rid ladies’ handbags of those tiny make up compact mirrors,” Cook added.
Consumers were quick to praise the iGlass, saying that the new product will have a wide-ranging positive impact and will bring about a truly joyful world of pleasant-looking human beings.
Unlike the Google Glass, the iGlass can be worn over prescription eyeglasses. “That’s big plus,” one consumer exclaimed.
The iGlass comes complete with UV rays protective coating, is scratch-proof, ultra light, and is available in white or black plexiglass frame. The frame can be folded to fit into a pouch and plastic case with key chain (included). It will retail for $99.99.