Gulf Of America: Donald Trump’s Parenthetical, Half-Victory

In a bold, unprecedented move, former President Donald Trump issued an executive order renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the “Gulf of America,” proving once again that if you don’t like reality, you can simply rebrand it. The decision was met with a mix of confusion, laughter, and a collective eye-roll from geographers worldwide.

Unfortunately for Trump, Google Maps, the true arbiter of geographical legitimacy, merely added “Gulf of America” in parentheses next to “Gulf of Mexico,” making it the cartographic equivalent of a pity mention. This half-victory is reminiscent of Trump’s infamous Sharpie-altered hurricane map—where his marker, not meteorology, dictated the storm’s path.

Mexico, meanwhile, had no official response, possibly because they were too busy enjoying the fact that the gulf is, geographically, still theirs. Meanwhile, Florida residents continue calling it “the ocean,” proving that no executive order can override sheer indifference.

West Philippine Sea In (Parenthesis)?

President Donald Trump, through an Executive Order, has renamed the Gulf of Mexico “Gulf of America”. Certainly, he can change the name for official U.S. purposes, but he can’t dictate what the rest of the world calls it.

Google Maps began using “Gulf of America” for users in the U.S., saying it had a “longstanding practice” of following the U.S. government’s lead on such matters. But “Gulf of America”appears only as a parenthetical to “Gulf of Mexico.” Users in Mexico will see Gulf of Mexico, and maps will display both names for those logging in from other countries.

In 2012, President Noynoy Aquino renamed parts of the South China Sea “West Philippine Sea.” While many Filipinos now use West Philippine Sea, it is, like Gulf of America, technically for internal purposes. For Google Maps users, “West Philippine Sea” appears as a red “pin” superimposed against the vast South China Sea.

Ultimately, it is the International Hydrographic Association which has the final say in renaming bodies of water while underwater feature names are within the purview of the U.N. Intergovernmental Oceanographic Commission.

For now, all Trump gets is the name Gulf of America in parenthesis, after Gulf of Mexico.

As for the West Philippine Sea, the name can appear on Google maps, not in parenthesis but as a red pin.

Chiz And The Clamor: A Biblical Misinterpretation

Senate President Chiz Escudero has done it—he’s likened the calls for VP Sara Duterte’s impeachment process to the clamor to crucify Jesus Christ. The audacity! The drama! The theological gymnastics!

Now, Christians agree on one thing: Jesus was innocent. The same certainty cannot be said for VP Sara, whose controversies range from her confidential funds saga to that ver public threat to kill the First Couple and Senate President. Comparing her situation to that of the Son of God? Well, that’s a stretch even Lazarus wouldn’t come back from.

But Chiz, ever the eloquent dodger, seems to suggest that if public outcry led to Jesus’ unjust crucifixion, then maybe we should slow down on the impeachment talk. Sorry, Senator, but that’s not how due process works. The clamor isn’t the trial—the impeachment is. It’s not about political martyrdom; it’s about accountability.

So why the hesitation? Is it divine intervention, or just good old-fashioned procrastination? The people aren’t asking for a crucifixion. They’re asking for a fair investigation. Let’s not turn this into the Passion of the Sara.

Stop sermonizing, Chiz. Just let the process unfold. Otherwise, we might start calling you Pontius Pilate—minus the historical significance.