DONALD TRUMP NOW ACCEPTING BUSINESS PROPOSALS FOR FOOL-PROOF U.S. NATIONAL IDs

Trump
Trump

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles) – Speaking at the penthouse suite of the Trump Towers in Las Vegas, Republican presidential candidate announced that he is now accepting business proposals for the production of fool-proof U.S. national identification cards that will help keep Muslims and other “undesirable” people out of American territory.

Trump’s announcement came just minutes after calling for a “total and complete shutdown” of the entry of Muslims to the United States “until our country’s representatives can figure out what is going on.”

In a statement released by his campaign Monday afternoon, Trump included recent poll findings that he says show that a sizable segment of the Muslim population has “great hatred towards Americans.”

Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski told the Associated Press that the ban would apply to “everybody,” including both immigrants and tourists. Soon after the statement was released, Trump tweeted that he had “just put out a very important policy statement on the extraordinary influx of hatred and danger coming into our country.” He added in the tweet: “We must be vigilant.”

Trump said he is being proactive by calling for national ID business proposals now, instead of waiting until he gets elected president of the United States in November next year. “I want to put everything in motion now, ready to go on my first day in the Oval Office,” the real estate mogul said.

Business entrepreneurs interested in sending business proposals to Trump should download an application form at http://www.TrumpAgainstMuslims.com.  Only U.S. citizens and non-Muslims can submit proposals.

MSNBC PROMOTES RACHEL MADDOW TO NEWS ANCHOR AS CNN DEMOTES DON LEMON

Maddow, left, and Lemon
Maddow, left, and Lemon

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) – Two of the leading American cable news networks today announced bold moves to try to improve their sagging ratings.

MSNBC has promoted Rachel Maddow from news host to new anchor.  In the midst of declining ratings for MSNBC, Maddow’s popularity is at an all-time high.

CNN, meanwhile, has announced that it was demoting controversial news anchor Don Lemon who has been criticized for his clueless and misinformed reporting and opinions for the news channel.   Lemon was also the target of a recent online petition asking CNN to fire him. That petition has so far gained over 37,000 signatures.

CNN demoted Lemon from news anchor to teleprompter.

 (noun tele·prompt·er \ˈte-lə-ˌpräm(p)-tər\a machine that helps someone who is speaking to an audience or on television by showing the words that need to be said)

POLLSTERS SHOCKED BY PROFILE OF DONALD TRUMP’S SUPPORTERS

imageWASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) –  A new CNN/ORC Republican presidential poll now finds Donald Trump with 36 percent of the vote, more than two times that of closest challenger Ted Cruz, who now stands at 16 percent. Retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson and Florida Senator Marco Rubio are the only other GOP candidates currently polling in double figures at 14 and 12 percent, respectively.

It appears that every time Trump makes a ridiculous statement – whether it is about immigration or refugees or terrorism, his numbers would further go up.

Intrigued by what is now being called ‘The Donald Phenomenon,’ a coalition of pollsters decided to revisit all the major polls they each have conducted in the last year. What they found shocked the hell out of them.

The pollsters found that almost 90% of those who have voted for Trump in the polls belonged to the bottom half of the IQ spectrum.

While the pollsters chose not to disclose how they determined the demographics and IQ scores of the poll respondents, they made it absolutely clear that Trump voters had IQ scores ranging from 55 to 85 (mentally inadequate to low intelligence). The average IQ scores of Americans range between 86 and 100.

Finally, we know what’s causing ‘The Donald Phenomenon.’