DON LEMON QUITS CNN, IS HIRED BY CNBC

Lemon
Lemon

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles) – News anchor Don Lemon is not waiting until CNN fires him. He just quit.

Lemon is the target of an online petition demanding that he be fired by the cable news network. More than 28,000 people have signed the petition in which the controversial “journalist” was castigated for his reaction to the South Carolina school incident where a police officer violently dragged a female student for allegedly being disruptive in class. On his program, Lemon said he needs to see more facts before passing judgement on the officer.

Lemon is no stranger to controversy. He once held up a sign during a broadcast asking viewers if they were offended by it. The sign had the word ‘Ni**er’ in bold letters.

He is also known for his famous line, “smell of marijuana” during his coverage of the civil disturbance  in Ferguson.

Lemon is also credited for advising black teens to pull up their pants to gain respect, and for suggesting that a missing Malaysia Airlines plane was kidnapped by some higher power.

But Lemon fans need not worry. He will not be out of a job.

CNBC has just announced that it has hired Lemon as its chief political correspondent. The NBC-affiliated network made the decision following last night’s Republican presidential debate debacle in which the CNBC moderators were releatedly booed by the audience and attacked by the candidates for their “less-than-nice” questions and demeanor.

Critics are describing the CNBC debate as the “worst moderated” in U.S.  political history.

By hiring Lemon, CNBC hopes to rebuild its reputation as a leading news network. “Lemon’s popularity will most definitely help our ratings,” CNBC executives said.

NUMBER CODING TO BE REPLACED WITH LETTER CODING TO EASE METRO MANILA TRAFFIC

imageMANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – Just in time for the holidays, the number coding for vehicles plying Metro Manila’s main thoroughfares will be suspended and replaced with letter coding, a move that officials are confident will finally solve the nightmarish traffic in the metroplis.

The Unified Vehicular Volume Reduction Program or number coding scheme implemented by the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA) is a huge headache for any car owner. Depending on the circumstances, this rule can mean a day of no commuting for people or families who own only one car.

In a nutshell, this rule prevents car owners from driving in some parts of Metro Manila depending on the last number of their vehicle’s number plate. Those ending in 1 and 2 are not allowed to travel on Monday; 3 and 4 on Tuesday; 5 and 6 on Wednesday; 7 and 8 on Thursday; and 9 and 0 on Friday.

The new letter scheme, a brainchild of Manila Mayor Joseph Estrada, works this way:

  • Each registered vehicle will be given a letter sticker to be displayed on the front and rear windows
  • Those with the letters A-G are not allowed to travel on Monday; H-P on Tuesday; Q-V on Wednesday; and W, X, Y and Z on Thursday.
  • Friday is a free for all — all vehicles will be allowed regardless of assigned letter
  • Motorcyles, tricylces and horse-driven carriages (kalesa) are exemptd from letter coding

The new traffic regulations will go into effect on December 1 this year, just in time for the Christmas shopping season.

Motor vehicle drivers are advised to bring their vehicle registrations to their nearest Land Transportation Office  (LTO) to receive their assigned letter stickers.

OFFICIAL PHOTO: PAUL RYAN, SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

Ryan: his hands are tied (Photo courtesy of The Onion)
Ryan: his hands are tied (Photo courtesy of The Onion)

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles) – In anticipation of Paul Ryan’s formal election as the new Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives tomorrow, his Chief of Staff, Dave Hoppe, released the Congressman’s official photograph that will be hung in his office on Capitol Hill.

“It is an accurate representation of what the congressman faces as he assumes the top post in the House of Representatives:  his hands are tied, his lips are sealed, and he will be taking orders from the Tea Party,” Hoppe said.

It’s business as usual on Capitol Hill.